Accomplice

Asa:

“Listen up Anthony, we got a problem.”

“What is it, boss?”

“I got a guy that owes me a bit of money.”

“That’s unfortunate. What do you plan to do about it?”

“Blow up his house.”

“Hehehe. Damn, boss.”

“First I’m going to ransack it though. You know, recoup a little of my investment.”

“Completely understandable.”

“Then BOOM!”

“I love it when a plan comes together.”

“LUNA! What the hell are you doing here?”

“I let myself in, thank-you.”

“How long have you been standing there?”

“Not long but promise me if you decide to blow up someone’s house, you’ll let their pets out first.”

“What?”

“You know, after the ransacking and before the bomb goes off. If there are any pets, promise me you’ll let them out!”

“Luna, I was just kidding. I ain’t going to blow up anything.”

“Liar. Can I come with?”

“What? Fuck no.”

“I’m very good at stealing things.”

“You’re good at getting caught.”

“You seriously have no idea how many times I haven’t been caught.”

*dirty look*

“Trust me, I’m pretty good.”

“Anthony, we’ll have to come up with another plan.”

“Because of me?”

“Yes, Luna because of you. Now get out of here!”

“Wait, you could always take him out fishing then shoot him in the head and then stuff him in a crab pot and toss him in the water!”

“Luna, go.”

“Too much? Okay well maybe you could string him up a flagpole and fly him naked in front of city hall!”

“Go, go, go!”

“Stop being pushy. You know, you could lock him in a room with me! I could drive him crazy.”

“I don’t refute that but something tells me you’d just end up down his pants.”

“Wait, is he cute? Oh, this changes everything.”

“Goodbye, Luna!”

*door slam*

“You know I can still talk to you even though you’ve slammed the door in my face! …Hello! …Hello? Fine, guess I’ll go for a drive since I was in there long enough to steal a set of keys, a lighter, a pack of cigarettes and a wallet. God, I love it when a plan comes together.”