Drunken Shoe

Alex: “Luna, where’s your shoe?”

“Is it missing?”

“Are you wearing only one on purpose?”

“Oh my god, I think I’m missing a shoe.”

“Luna, where is it?”

“I dunno. Are you wearing my shoe?”

“I am most definitely not wearing your shoe.”

“Do you know where it is?”

“I asked you. Where is your other shoe?”

“I threw it out the window.”

“Why on earth did you throw it out the window?”

“Well, because I saw you walking outside on the sidewalk and I was wondering if I could hit you with my shoe. Turns out, the answer is no.”

“Luna, that wasn't very nice.”

“It was completely harmless, obviously.”

“Go get your shoe.”

“Would you be a dear and go get it for me?”

“If I go fetch your shoe, you’re not getting it back.”

“Well, that wouldn't be very nice.”

“Luna, have you been drinking?”

“No.”

“How many have you had?”

“Three.”

“You’re holding up four fingers.”

“I know. The middle one was for you.”

“Grrr.”

“Oh calm down, I've got to go get my shoe. I can’t believe you didn't notice it was missing. I’ll be right back!”

I Scream

Alex: “Luna, what are you doing? Everyone is outside looking for you.”

“Go tell them you haven’t seen me.”

“You’re sitting on my couch eating ice cream.”

“No, I’m not. It’s an illusion.”

“An illusion?”

“Yup, an illusion.”

“Hmmm. Well then, I guess the illusion wouldn’t mind if I took my ice cream back.”

“Hey! That wasn’t very nice and it was the illusion’s favorite flavor.”

“Are those my slippers?”

“Maybe. You have big feet.”

“Luna, how the hell did you even get in here?”

“Through the doggie door, in the back.”

“I don’t have a doggie door here, anywhere.”

“You do now! It doesn’t actually have a door on it yet. It’s just a big hole but you’re welcome.”

“I don’t even want to go look.”

“Suit yourself but I think you’ll like it, I made it as big as possible.”

“Fuck, Luna.”

“Don’t have to ask me twice! Bring it on cowboy, yeeee-haw! Hey, who are you calling?”

“Michael, I found her. Yes, please come get her. Yes, as soon as possible if not quicker. Yes, you’ll need the check book again. Thanks, bye.”

Fresh Delivery

Michael: “Luna, I just got off the phone with the police department. What the hell happened?”

“They didn't tell you? That was weird.”

“Knock it off smart ass. How the hell did you manage to get kicked out of another grocery store!”

“That other incident was not my fault!”

“The surveillance camera saw it differently.”

“I was framed.”

“Of course you were.”

Alex: “There you are!”

Luna: “Oh, shit.”

Alex: “Get back here!”

Luna: “Ow, ow, ow. Let go of my ear!”

Alex: “Shut up, sit down and explain to me what the HELL provoked you to start a food fight in the grocery store! I told you to stay by my side.”

Michael: “A food fight? Luna, I told you never to throw food again.”

Luna: “I thought you just meant canned food.”

Michael: “Luna, don’t throw ANY kind of food! Do you hear me? Not canned, frozen, fresh, cooked, raw or still living! Do you understand?”

Luna: “Yes, I think so.”

Michael: “Fantastic.”

Alex: “I’m waiting for an explanation, Luna.”

Luna: “You saw what happened, that kid flipped me off.”

Alex: “You flipped him off first.”

Luna: “Because he stuck his tongue out at me!”

Alex: “Luna, he was maybe four years old!”

Luna: “Well, he didn’t throw like no four year old and all I did was bop him in the forehead with a mushroom.”

Alex: “Yes, but you weren’t expecting retaliation from his eight brothers and sisters, now were you?”

Luna: “Hell no. There was produce flying everywhere! It was hardly a fair fight and you should’ve had my back.”

Alex: “I should’ve had your backside bent over a cart.”

Michael: “Luna, you’re in deep shit.”

Luna: “It really was no a big deal until some creepy guy wandered over and poked me in the butt with a baguette.”

Michael: “What?”

Alex: “Luna, you had melons up your shirt.”

Michael: “What!”

Luna: “I have never seen a guy with such a skinny baguette. Had to bitch slap him with a head of lettuce.”

Michael: “Luna?”

Luna: “Yeah?”

Michael: “Stay out of all the stores from now on, okay?”

Luna: “All of them?”

Michael: “Every last one of them forever, as long as you live.”

Luna: “But…”

Michael: “Just do what I say.”

Luna: “But…”

Michael: “Luna?”

Luna: “Yeah?”

Michael: “I’m serious.”

Luna: “Fine.”

Michael: “Luna?”

Luna: “Yeah?”

Michael: “Is that a banana in your pants?”

Tag

“So sir, how do you like my fancy new underwear?”

Michael: “Very nice, Luna.”

“Check them out from behind… Don’t you think they’re sexy?”

“They might be a little sexier without the tag hanging out, Luna.”

“God dammit!”

“Come here, I’ll fix it.”

“That’s awfully nice of you.”

*snip*

“Hey!”

“Whoops, sorry. I seem to have cut them in the wrong place…”

*snip*

“HEY!”

“Whoops, did it again.”

“You did that on purpose!”

“Sorry but I find them much sexier this way.”

“They’re on the floor!”

“Hehehe, I know.”

Silent Treatment

Luna to Michael:

“Hi sir.

I take it you’re still not talking to me?

I told you I was sorry.

Does it still hurt?

You look kinda sexy with a bruise on your cheek!

Please don’t look at me like that.

So, what can I do to make it up to you?

I know.

I’ll make dinner for a week.

Hey, I’m getting better in the kitchen!

Except for last night.

That was an accident.

Anyway, the fire department sure was quick.

I know.

I’ll wash your car!

I’ll use the proper cleaners this time.

Promise.

Sir, don’t bang your head on the desk like that.

It looks painful.

Do you want me to leave?

Tell you what.

I’ll leave if you’ll just say something to me, anything.

Anything at all.

Pretty please?”

“Luna, promise me you will never pick up a golf club again, EVER.”

“Okay.

 I promise.

Do I have to go now?”

“No but get off the desk, I have work to do.

Luna get out of the curtains.

Just go sit down like a normal person.

With your feet on the floor.

Fold your arms.

Put your tongue back in your mouth.

Perfect.”

“Sir?”

“What, Luna.”

“Can I keep the golf ball?”

“No!”

“Damn.”

Pool Party

Alex:

“Hi Luna, you look mad as hell and in such a pretty dress! What’s wrong?”

“You! You’re what’s wrong, I saw you kiss that stupid girl.”

“What? Who? You mean that nice lady over there? I kissed the back of her hand!”

“I know you did and I didn’t like it.”

“Are you serious?”

“Don’t mess with me buster, I warned you. Keep your paws off the competition when I’m around or I will go berserk.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“So tell me Luna, what would you do if I walked over there right now and kissed that girl again?”

“You really want to know?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Fine.”

“Wait… Luna, get back here! Oh shit.”

Michael:

“Hey Alex. Do you mind telling me why Luna just ran off and pushed some poor woman into the pool?”

“She’s crazy! I just kissed the back of some lady’s hand and Luna went ballistic!”

“Oh boy. Sounds like her but I think she’s about to regret it. Check it out, Asa is sneaking up behind her.”

“Oh no.”

“Oh yes and there she goes! Into the pool. Fantastic job, Asa. I know you don’t like him Alex, but you got to admit, he has a very special way of communicating with her.”

“Can’t argue that point.”

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I better go take care of this. If I remember right, the delinquent is wearing a white dress and the wrong day of the week on her backside.”

“She’s a difficult student, sir.”

“Yeah, I know she is. I know.”

Game On

Michael:

“Luna, put down that game. You’ve been playing it for hours.”

“Okay, just a minute.”

“That’s what you said 20 minutes ago, put it down.”

“I will.”

“Put it down.”

“Okay.”

“LUNA, PUT IT DOWN! For Christ’s sake, what the hell is so fascinating about that damn game?”

“Nothing. I just want to win, I guess.”

“There’s a little more to it than that. Give it here.”

“In a minute.”

“Now...”

“HEY, GIVE THAT BACK!”

“No.”

“OH MY GOD! I think the world just ended.”

“It’s dinnertime. The world will start spinning again once you’ve eaten.”

“I’m not hungry anymore.”

“Don’t you dare tell me you’re hungry, then turn around and tell me you don’t want to eat.”

“I just want my stupid game back.”

“Tomorrow morning.”

*gasp*

“You’ll live.”

“No I won’t. I’m going to scream.”

“Don’t you dare.”

“I’m totally going to scream.”

“Oh yeah? Well if you do, I’m going to shove these in your mouth…”

“Are those… panties?”

“You don’t recognize them?”

“No!”

“Whoops, me bad.”

“HEY!”

“Calm down, Luna.”

“You miserable prick, I can’t believe you!”

“Luna I said calm down. It was just my handkerchief… see?”

“Give it here.”

“Fine...”

“You asshole.”

“See Luna, now that was a fun game. Eat your dinner.”