Monday, March 25, 2013

Fresh Delivery

Michael: “Luna, I just got off the phone with the police department. What the hell happened?”

“They didn't tell you? That was weird.”

“Knock it off smart ass. How the hell did you manage to get kicked out of another grocery store!”

“That other incident was not my fault!”

“The surveillance camera saw it differently.”

“I was framed.”

“Of course you were.”

Alex: “There you are!”

Luna: “Oh, shit.”

Alex: “Get back here!”

Luna: “Ow, ow, ow. Let go of my ear!”

Alex: “Shut up, sit down and explain to me what the HELL provoked you to start a food fight in the grocery store! I told you to stay by my side.”

Michael: “A food fight? Luna, I told you never to throw food again.”

Luna: “I thought you just meant canned food.”

Michael: “Luna, don’t throw ANY kind of food! Do you hear me? Not canned, frozen, fresh, cooked, raw or still living! Do you understand?”

Luna: “Yes, I think so.”

Michael: “Fantastic.”

Alex: “I’m waiting for an explanation, Luna.”

Luna: “You saw what happened, that kid flipped me off.”

Alex: “You flipped him off first.”

Luna: “Because he stuck his tongue out at me!”

Alex: “Luna, he was maybe four years old!”

Luna: “Well, he didn’t throw like no four year old and all I did was bop him in the forehead with a mushroom.”

Alex: “Yes, but you weren’t expecting retaliation from his eight brothers and sisters, now were you?”

Luna: “Hell no. There was produce flying everywhere! It was hardly a fair fight and you should’ve had my back.”

Alex: “I should’ve had your backside bent over a cart.”

Michael: “Luna, you’re in deep shit.”

Luna: “It really was no a big deal until some creepy guy wandered over and poked me in the butt with a baguette.”

Michael: “What?”

Alex: “Luna, you had melons up your shirt.”

Michael: “What!”

Luna: “I have never seen a guy with such a skinny baguette. Had to bitch slap him with a head of lettuce.”

Michael: “Luna?”

Luna: “Yeah?”

Michael: “Stay out of all the stores from now on, okay?”

Luna: “All of them?”

Michael: “Every last one of them forever, as long as you live.”

Luna: “But…”

Michael: “Just do what I say.”

Luna: “But…”

Michael: “Luna?”

Luna: “Yeah?”

Michael: “I’m serious.”

Luna: “Fine.”

Michael: “Luna?”

Luna: “Yeah?”

Michael: “Is that a banana in your pants?”

Wednesday, March 13, 2013


“So sir, how do you like my fancy new underwear?”

Michael: “Very nice, Luna.”

“Check them out from behind… Don’t you think they’re sexy?”

“They might be a little sexier without the tag hanging out, Luna.”

“God dammit!”

“Come here, I’ll fix it.”

“That’s awfully nice of you.”



“Whoops, sorry. I seem to have cut them in the wrong place…”



“Whoops, did it again.”

“You did that on purpose!”

“Sorry but I find them much sexier this way.”

“They’re on the floor!”

“Hehehe, I know.”

Monday, March 4, 2013

Silent Treatment

Luna to Michael:

“Hi sir.
I take it you’re still not talking to me?
I told you I was sorry.
Does it still hurt?
You look kinda sexy with a bruise on your cheek!
Please don’t look at me like that.
So, what can I do to make it up to you?
I know.
I’ll make dinner for a week.
Hey, I’m getting better in the kitchen!
Except for last night.
That was an accident.
Anyway, the fire department sure was quick.
I know.
I’ll wash your car!
I’ll use the proper cleaners this time.
Sir, don’t bang your head on the desk like that.
It looks painful.
Do you want me to leave?
Tell you what.
I’ll leave if you’ll just say something to me, anything.
Anything at all.
Pretty please?”

“Luna, promise me you will never pick up a golf club again, EVER.”

 I promise.
Do I have to go now?”

“No but get off the desk, I have work to do.
Luna get out of the curtains.
Just go sit down like a normal person.
With your feet on the floor.
Fold your arms.
Put your tongue back in your mouth.


“What, Luna.”

“Can I keep the golf ball?”