Friday, May 30, 2014

Night Life


“Fuck, I’m going to be in so much trouble.
Didn’t realize how late it was. 
I hate walking home in the dark.
Never know when Asa’s going to sneak up on me.
He loves to do that.
What a prick.
What a sexy, fucking asshole of a prick.
Whoops, I almost tripped.
It’s getting hard to see, cold too.
Good thing I thought to grab a sweater.
I remember the last time I wore this one.
Asa came up from behind me and pulled it over my head.
He wouldn’t let me go forever.
God dammit, not again!
Fuck, will I never learn.
I hope this is Asa, anyway.
That would be awkward.
Oh my! Yup, that’s him. 
Carry on.”

Thursday, May 29, 2014



“So, so, so, so, so.
Caught you red-handed.
Put it down, Luna.
Strike three.
Your ass is mine, now.
And it’s going to be red.
Like the lines on your wrist.
And the stripes I lay all over your…
Oh, hey Alex.
What do you want.
Take her.
I was just leaving.”

Tuesday, May 27, 2014



“Hi Luna.
Are you drunk? 
You look drunk.
That’s what I thought.
Here, let me help you inside.
Did you have fun at the party?
It was a little too loud for me.
What’s that?
You’re hungry.
Well, I have a bag of peanuts I was saving for later but here.
Honey, you have to shell them first.
Spit it out.
Oh jesus.
Here, let me help you.
What happened to your knee?
You don’t remember.
Maybe you shouldn’t drink so much then.
Don’t look at me like that.
It was just a suggestion.
Here, stick some peanuts in your mouth.
Calm down.
Geez, never mind.
As long as you’re having fun.
Did you run into Asa tonight?
I hate that prick.
Honey, what are you doing?
You’re tired.
I bet you are but you can’t fall asleep on my lap.
I’m serious, hon.
Oh dear.
She’s not cooperating.
And… she’s no longer coherent.
Maybe I shouldn’t drink so much.
It’s getting hard to carry her home.

Sunday, May 25, 2014



“Come here, woman.”

“Ouch, let go of my hair!”

“You’re in big trouble.”


“You stole my jacket.”

“Did not, I found it.”

“In my closet?”


“God dammit, I’ve told you this before. Leave my shit alone!”

“But I missed you.”

“Write a letter.”

“I wanted to smell you.”

“My clothes are expensive. Don’t touch them!”

“Oh no, look at me. I’m touching your clothes, as we speak.”

“Smart ass.”

“Ow, give me my finger back.”


“I’m sorry you’re an asshole.”

“Dammit, woman.”

“Hey, put me down!”

“Where’s my jacket?”

“Put me down and I’ll go get it.”

“Where is it?”

“I left it outside on the fence.”

“You mean out in the pouring rain.”

“You should put me down faster so I can go get it.”

“It’s ruined, you little bitch!”


“Go get it.”

“You’re going to lock me out, aren’t you.”


“Okay, bye!”

Garden Variety

“Hi Papa! Do you like my new sundress?”

“Turn around so I can see it.”

“It goes real high if I spin around fast!”

“I can see that.”

“I picked it out just for you.”

“It’s lovely, dear. Especially when you hold it over your head like that.”

“Do you like the color?”

“Of course. You look perfect in pink.”

“It’s fuchsia, technically.”

“Um, okay.”

“So. Do you like my new sandals?”

“I’m not a fan of the plastic flowers.”

“I’ll kick them off then. Don’t need sandals anyway.”

“Where are you going, now?”

“Out to the garden.”

“What for?”

“To put real flowers in between my toes.”

“Fine but hurry back.”


“So I can tend to the flowers on your panties.”

Friday, May 23, 2014



“You look bored, Luna.”

“I am.”

“What would you like to do?”

“I know! Let’s watch a porno.”


“I stole one from Asa but haven’t watched it yet.”

“I can only imagine what’s on it, being his.”

“No need to imagine, pressing play.”

“Please don’t.”

“Whoops! Too late.”

“Give me the remote. I’m not watching this.”

“Fine, here.”

“It doesn’t work, Luna. Seems to be missing its batteries.”

“Gosh, that’s weird.”

“Wait a minute… I recognize her!”


“The girl on the video. I know her from somewhere.”

“The one with the dick in her hand or the one with a dick up the…”

“Yes! The one with the… the first one, Luna.”


“I think I dated her in college but I can’t remember her name.”

“Well, according to the cover her name is Sassy, she is classy and likes it up the…”

“IT IS HER! I recognize that mole on her ass.”

“She looks stupid.”

“Now you’re jealous.”

“I’m not jealous. She’s a skank.” 

“A what?”

“A skank! Gross, look. Jesus, even I won’t do what she’s doing now.”

“Bet I could talk you into it.”

“What? No way.”

“I could get you to cave. Have you folding like a lawn chair.”

“Nu-uh! That’s gross.”

“Listen to you, acting like you have standards.”

“That’s it. I’m turning it off.”

“Hey! That’s not fair.”

“Screw you.”

“At least let me keep the tape.”



“Dammit, Luna.”

“Oh, hi Asa! Found something of yours. Catch!”

Wednesday, May 21, 2014


Alex:  “Where’s Luna?”

Michael: “Upstairs in her room. She’s grounded.”

“Oh dear. What happened?”

“She got a little mouthy and I won’t put up with it.”

“She should know better.”

“Damn right! You don’t put up with it, do you?”


“Knock it off. That girl steps out of line every chance she gets. So, tell me why you’re here.”

“I came to talk to Luna.”


“She got in my briefcase earlier.”


“And filled it with tuna fish.”


“I’m guessing because I wouldn’t take her to the aquarium.”


“You don’t need to call her down here. I’ll take care of it later.”

“Luna, get the fuck down here!”

“I should go.”

“Stay. Let me show how to deal with this one in the future.”

“Someone’s at the door.”

“Answer it then, I don’t have time. Luna, god dammit! I’m talking to you!”

“It’s Luna, sir. It appears she locked herself out in the rain.”

“You’re kidding me.”

“I see her through the keyhole. She’s flipping me off but I think it’s meant for you.”

“You better leave out the back door, I got this. Don’t need you getting any ideas on how to handle this one in the future.”

Sunday, May 18, 2014


Caught in the pouring rain, Luna fussed with her keys but none of them opened the door. She banged and yelled but no one answered, she finally rang the bell. 

Michael opened the door but he wouldn’t let her in. They had an argument earlier and she ran away from home. “If you ever leave again,” he said, “you won’t be welcome back.” 

She kicked his shin and tried to get by but Michael grabbed a hold. He used her head to open the door then took his girl inside.

Saturday, May 17, 2014


Michael:  “Will one of you go find Luna, I don’t trust her at a party like this.”

Asa:  “I see her, boss. She’s over there, making out with a lamp in the corner.”

Alex:  “Christ, how embarrassing. I’ll go get her.”

Asa:  “She stopped. Some guy is talking to her now.”

Michael:  “Who, do you recognize him?”

Alex: “Not I.”

Asa:  “Me neither.”

Alex:  “He seems harmless.”

Asa:  “Then he’s probably a cop, you stupid prick.”

Alex:  “He’s not a cop. What the fuck is wrong with you? You paranoid pansy.”

Michael:  “Both of you shut up and one of you go get her.”

Asa:  “Where did she go?”

Alex:  “I see her.  She’s on the floor unplugging the lamp.”

Asa:  “What for?”

Alex:  “Oh Jesus!”

Asa:  “That had to hurt.”

Alex:  “Wonder what that guy said to piss her off.”

Asa:  He probably told her he was a cop, idiot.”

Alex:  “Oh fuck off! Seriously.”

Michael:  “For the last time, will one of you go get her!”

Asa:  “It’s okay boss, she’s headed this way.”

Michael:  “Thank god.” 

Alex:  “Is she really bringing the lamp with her?”

Asa:  “That’s weird.”

Michael:  “Very weird.”

Asa:  “Fuck, I’m out of here.”

Alex:  “Me too.”

Michael:  “Pansies.”

Friday, May 16, 2014



“Hey you! 
Come here.
What’s your name?
Never mind, I don’t care.
I like your style.
I also like your short skirt of yours.
It shows off your ass when you dance.
But you already knew that, didn’t you.
Come home with me, now.
Why not?
Which guy.
Never mind, I don’t care.
Hey get back here. 
I wasn’t done talking to you. 
I ain’t taking no for an answer.
Fuck that hurt.
I hate it when they kick me there.

Thursday, May 15, 2014


Alex to Luna:

“What’s with the paint gun, sweetie? 
You look mad. 
Was it something I said? 
Maybe we could talk about it.
Okay, maybe not.
That hurt, Luna. We’re a little close to be…
Ow, fuck!
Fine, I’ll back up.
You had to pick hot pink, didn’t you. 
You aim a little higher, young lady.
Okay, you know what? Just stop shooting.
Cut it out!
That’s it....
I’ve got your weapon now. It’s not so funny anymore, is it!
Hmmm, I’ve never shot one of these before.
Hahaha! A direct hit.
Sorry, Luna.
And another one!
I really do apologize.
This is fun! 
No, you can’t have it back.
No, I won’t stop using sound effects either.
Where are you going? 
Please don’t walk away.  
Dammit, she’s still walking away.
Oh dear, the temptation is killing me.
Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! 
Right in the keister.
Don’t look at me that way, you had it coming. 
And you probably have this one coming, too! 
Oh shit. 
Seem to be out of ammo.
Hi, Luna! 
My sweet, little, precious, Luna.
Don’t come any closer, okay?
I’m not kidding, you’re scaring me.
Oh dear.
Fuck it.
I’m running.”

Saturday, May 10, 2014



 “Hey, Michael!
I like that girl of yours, she’s crazy.
What do you mean which one? 
I just spent a little time with her in the rose garden.
In case you were wondering about all the scratches.
She has a few too but they didn’t come from the roses, hehehe.
So tell me, how old is she?
And how attached are you?
Fuck dude, settle down!
No, I’ll back off. 
I get it.
You’re attached.
But you could’ve fooled me.”

Wednesday, May 7, 2014



“This party is crazy and way too loud.
I need to take a break.
Sweet, there’s Asa’s car.
Wonder if it’s unlocked.
Fuck yes, I’m crawling inside.
Man, I love this car.
Love how it smells.
And it’s really fun to drive!
Michael would never let me drive.
Alex wouldn’t either but Asa taught me how.
Don’t know what they’re so afraid of.
Not like having a car would get me in any more trouble than I….
Holy shit! The keys are in the ignition.
Man, wish I wasn’t so tanked. 
I’d love to take it for a drive.
Maybe he wouldn’t notice if I just went around the block.
You know, it’s really weird Asa forgot his keys.
And left his car unlocked.
Wait a minute… 
I know what’s going on here.
I bet he’s trying to set me up, just to get me in trouble!
Well fuck that. 
It ain’t going to work, this time.
Speak of the devil. There he is and he's headed right this way.
I’ll show him.
I can be a good girl when I want to be. 
Hey, what’s he doing?
That’s weird.
He’s getting into another car.
And it looks an awful lot like this one.
I’m in somebody else’s car!
Fuckity, fuck, fuck fuck. Get me out of this stupid thing before somebody sees me, holy shit!
God dammit, I hate cars.
Stupid fucking cars. 
Don’t do anything but get me in trouble.

Sunday, May 4, 2014


“Hi there!
You must be Luna.
My name is Lucas. 
I’m Michael’s brother.
You nearly fell down.
You’re a shy one, aren’t you.
I can tell.
Michael told me all about you. 
But he forgot to mention how pretty you are.
Oh sorry, didn’t mean to make you blush.
Please don’t hide that little face of yours.
Say, I was headed to the kitchen but got lost.
Do you think you could you point the way?
You don’t have to take me yourself Luna.
I hate to bother you and I’m sure I could find it.
But holding your hand is nice.
Ah, here it is.
How did I miss it!
You’re very helpful, Luna.
I hear someone coming, perhaps it’s Michael.
Why are you hiding in the cupboard?
Silly girl.
My mistake, not Michael.
Jesus christ.
I’ve never met you.
Lucas, my pleasure I think.
What’s that?
You’re looking for Luna?
Haven’t seen her.
See you around then…
You fucking freak."

Saturday, May 3, 2014

This Time

“You look mad, Asa.”
“I am mad.”
“What’d I do this time?”
“You know damn well what you did.”
“Oh, I take it you found the wine stain on your carpet.”
“You want your cigars back?”
“No... I mean, yes! Now try again.”
“Is this about the fire I built on the deck?”
“Don’t worry, I put it out.” 
“Dammit Luna.”
“Is there anything else I should know about?”
“Think I broke your toaster.”
“Just be quiet.”
“And the sliding glass door.”
“Shut up, Luna.”
“Oh and I found a bunch of spray paint!”
“Okay, I think I’m out of guesses.”
“You better be.”