Wednesday, April 30, 2014



“Luna, come in and shut the door.
Have a seat.
Are you chewing gum?
Spit that out.
Thought I taught you better.
Sit up straight and look at me.
Are you high?
You look high.
Not funny, Luna.
I called you here to tell you something important.
No, I don’t have any candy.
You’re stoned out of your mind, aren’t you?
Don’t lie to me.
Your eyes are bloodshot.
I don’t care if it was some really good shit, Luna.
You do very stupid things when you get high.
Cut it out. No more.
Where did you get it from?
Stole it from Asa, should’ve known.
Should I tell him?
He’s standing right behind you.
Now is not the time to be asking around for candy.
Tell him what you did.
Of course he’s already figured it out.
He’s not stupid.
Asa, have a seat.
I have something important to say.
You might as well hear it, too.
Luna, get off his lap!
See what I mean?
Stupid things!
Sit over there and fold your arms.
I said fold them.
I’ve duct tapped that middle finger of yours down before.
Don’t think I won’t do it again.
Alright then.
Back to the reason you’re here.
My brother is coming to visit.
You haven’t met him yet.
He’ll be here tonight and stay a few days.
Fold them, Luna.
I would like you on your best behavior.
But somewhat expect your worse.
So Asa, I want you to take care of it.
Keep her out of trouble.
No, you can’t tie her down in the basement.
But tempting.
I have to go now, I’m late for a meeting.
One last thing, Asa.
Keep her out of your weed, will you?
She clearly can’t handle it.
I’ll see you two, tonight.
And remember Luna, your best behavior.



“Little girl want a lollipop?”

Wednesday, April 23, 2014



Come out, wherever you are.
I know you’re in here.
Promise I won’t lay a finger on you.
Who am I kidding.
I’m pissed!
Get the fuck out here or I’ll break everything in the room, starting with this stupid vase.
Whoops, I’m sorry.
Not really.
Get out here, now!
I know that was you fucking on some guy at the party.
The boys caught up with him.
If you don’t come out I’m going to head on over there and fuck him up myself.
Dammit, Luna!
You’re brave but stupid for hiding.
I hate this fucking game.
Let me guess, you’re under the bed.
In the closet? 
Wrong again.
Ah, there you are.
Behind the drapes.
Hi, Luna.
You should’ve come out when I asked you to.

Sunday, April 20, 2014


Dear Luna,

I got you this card for your birthday a few months ago.
Looks like I forgot to give it to you. 
Probably because of all the trouble you got in that day.
I’ll have you know my knee still hurts.
No doubt I’ll be scarred for life.
Still not sure how you got a hold of a weed whacker. 
I trust it’ll never happen again.
The shrubs out front might recover.
But the furniture in the parlor did not.
Which reminds me, I forgot to ground you.
So happy birthday and you’re grounded.
See you at dinner.
I brought you home a cake.

Love, Michael

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Party Trick


“This party sucks. 
I’m bored.
Where are all the bitches at?
At least the music’s loud.
Not in the mood for conversation.
Check out that drunk couple in the corner.
Bet they don’t know I can see them.
Holy fuck! Pretty sure they don’t know.
This party just got a fuck of a lot more interesting.
Chic’s really digging the guy but he looks hesitant.
Come on, man.
Bang that bitch!
Ain’t no one watching.
There you go.
Fuck, yeah.
Looks like he’s changed his mind.
Now she’s calling it off.
What the fuck!
She’s dropped to her knees.
That’ll work.
Crazy slut.
She looks familiar.
Oh my god. Is that Luna?
That better not be Luna.
Holy fuck. That’s Luna.
God dammit!
She is so dead.
Everyone get out of my way!
Where did all these people come from?
Jesus Christ.
Sorry, ma’am!
Whoa, she was hot.
I’ll be back for her later.
Made it.
Where did they go?
Where the fuck did they go!
Whoever it was, they’re gone.
Dammit, Luna!”

Wednesday, April 16, 2014



“Luna, what are you doing?”

“Shhh. You’ll wake up Asa.”

“Is that hot pink nail polish?”

“No, of course not.”

“I see you have a permanent marker there, too. Surely you have better judgment?”

“Probably not.”

“Luna, he’ll know it was you.”

“I don’t care. He deserves it.”

“Don’t forget his pinky.”

“Oh right, thanks.”

“Hand me that bag, please.”

“Dare I ask what’s in it?”

“All my make-up.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“I plan to. Hand me some lipstick.”

“Red or pink?”


“Right, to match his pretty nails.”

“Mascara, please.”

“What are you going to do when he wakes up, Luna?”

“I haven’t thought that far ahead, yet. Eye shadow, please.”

“Um, blue or brown?”

“Bright fucking blue.”

“He’s going to be livid, you know.”

“I know. Good thing Michael’s here. He lets me get away with everything.”

“I did not just hear you say that.”

“Okay, I’m done. Where did my marker go?”

“I hid it. You’re welcome.”


“You had your fun now let’s get out of here, before he wakes up.”

“Wait, will you take a picture first?”

“Oh, dear. Give me the camera.”


“A little to the right, sweetheart.”

“Make sure you can see his pretty nails.”

“My favorite part!”



Monday, April 14, 2014

First Class

Asa to Alex: 

“Hey, bastard.”

“Hello, prick. What are you doing here?”

“I promised Luna I’d show up. She wanted to show me her new panties.”

“We’re at the symphony for god sakes.”

“I don’t give a fuck. There she is.”

“Not so fast. I’ll spare you the charade. They’re leopard print with pink bows. I’ve already seen them.”

“Fuck you, liar.”

“They’re very nice. Not the stringy bullshit you usually buy her. They’re classy and provide full coverage over that beautiful little rump of hers.”

“I’m done listening to you. I’ll find out for myself.”

“Michael’s here. I hope you get caught.”


“Luna, come here!”

“The music’s about to start. Where have you been?”

“Talking to Alex, unfortunately. God, I hate that guy.”

“I have to go, Michael’s waiting for me.”

“Alex said he’s already seen your new panties.”

“Gosh, that’s weird! I really have to go.”

“Tell me what you’re wearing before I hoist that gown of yours sky high.”

“Okay, I flashed him in the parking lot. “There, are you happy?”

“What the fuck did you do that for?”

“He said I looked wholesome in this dress so I proved him wrong.”

“Jesus, Luna. I’m going home.”

“Wait! No one else saw me do it. I promise. Not even Michael.”

“Speak of the devil’s keeper, he’s getting pissed. Now, go.”

“Please stay?”

“Fuck you.”

“At intermission?”

“Give it up, Luna.”


Thursday, April 10, 2014

Dinner For Two


“Luna, stop picking at your food.”

“But it tastes so good! I want it to last forever.”

“We’ve been here for three hours. I want to go home.”

“Oh, come on. We haven’t even ordered dessert yet.”

“I’ve got your desert right here, baby.”

“You’re not supposed to grab yourself like that out in public.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Hey! You’re not supposed to grab me like that either.”

“Couldn’t help myself. Now hurry up, so we can go.”

“Oh. My. God.”

“What, Luna.”

“Is that Alex?”

“Where, I don’t see him.”

“Over there, sitting with that lady.”

“So it is.”

“I don’t like her. She’s pretty.”

“She’s not bad.”

“Matter of fact, I hate her.”

“Luna, sit down and finish your dinner. I take that back. Give me your utensils and no no no, you can’t throw your plate. Calm down!”

“I am calm! Totally calm. Completely fucking calm.”


“Guess I’ll just assume that’s his sister.”

“Whoa, I hope not with a kiss like that.”



“Uh oh. I think he just saw me.”


“I waved but he doesn’t look happy to see us.”

“He’s probably here to spy on us.”

“Oh, yay! Here comes the waiter.”

“Hello, my beautiful friends! I see you both enjoyed your dinner, may I interest you in a little dessert?”


“No! Ignore her waiter. Check, please.”

“Aw! You’re no fun.”

“You won’t be saying that an hour from now.”

“I don’t want to leave Alex alone here with her.”

“Tough shit. If Alex wants to get a little pussy and it ain’t yours, I’m all for it. Stop flipping him off and put your coat on.”

“Can we slash his tires on the way out?”


“Fine, I'm ready.”

Sunday, April 6, 2014

Formally Charged

“Hi there!”

“Well, hello there little one and what is your name?”

“Luna and yours?”

“You can call me sir.”

“That’s a little formal, don’t you think?”

“Well this is a formal occasion. It’s appropriate. Say, aren’t you the girl that resides with Michael?”


“I thought so. And that wretched body guard of his.”


“Grrr. That’s the one. He’s nothing but a reptilian freak, covered in tattoos. What a poor excuse for a man.”


“I should watch what I say. *chuckle* He’s probably slithering around here somewhere. No doubt high on cocaine and hitting on married women.”


“Um what, Luna.”

“Is that your wife over there, talking to Asa?”

“Gladys! Well, I’ll be damned.”

“She looks happy, seems to be having a very good time.”

“I should go interrupt this nonsense.”

“Then why don’t you?”

“I’ll be honest with you, little one. That prick scares the shit out of me. I’ll wait til he leaves then go ask that woman of mine, what the hell is she thinking! We don’t need to be seen socializing with such rubbish.”

“Asa is a really charming guy when he wants to be. See, he’s even lighting her cigarette.”

“What! Dear god, in the forty years of marriage I’ve never known that woman to smoke. I feel faint.”

“Take a seat. It’ll be okay. I’m going to break this up myself.”

“With a slingshot?! Good god, I order you to put that down. What kind of young lady carries around a slingshot?”

“It’s just for shooting grapes at people.”

“Luna, you must be a handful.”

“Speaking of handfuls. Asa just got one of your wife’s butt.”

“Aim low, little one. You don’t want to poke out an eye.”

Saturday, April 5, 2014



“Luna, are you smoking a cigarette?”


“Give me that.”


“How many times do I have to tell you, that is disgusting and I won’t stand for it. You hear me?”

“Okay, okay! But it doesn’t mean you have to turn into an asshole.”

“No lip from you. I’m serious. Are there anymore in your purse?”

“No, give that back!”

“Dear god, I always regret having to look in here.”

“Then maybe you shouldn’t.”

“Look what I found! A pack of cigarettes, imagine that.”

“Great. You found my smokes now give me back my purse.”

“Hold on. I’ll take this lighter off your hands, too. What else is in here…”

“You can’t just go through my stuff!”

“Settle down, little lady. It’s your own fault for lighting up.”


“What’s this? A meticulously folded up piece of paper, interesting.”

“Don’t unfold that.”

“But there appears to be writing inside.”

“It’s private, sir!”

“All the more reason for me to pry.”

“I can’t watch.”

“It says… I heart Alex. I heart Alex? What exactly does that mean Luna, I heart Alex.”


“I can’t understand a thing you say when you disappear down your own sweater.”

“Leave me alone.”

“Okay, come on. I’ll stop teasing you. Sit up straight and look at me. Come on, come on. That’s better. I heart you too, sweetheart but don’t you think we should burn this before anyone else sees it?”

“Fine, I’ll do it. Give me my lighter back.”

“Fair enough.”

“I hate it when you go through my purse.”

“Don’t light it on the table, Luna. Here, I'll take that. I’ve changed my mind. I want to keep it now.”

“No, you can’t keep it! Let me burn it. It’s totally stupid and this entire situation has me completely mortified.”



“Oh dear. Well, that’s no good but I’m still going to keep it.”




“Put out that cigarette.”

Friday, April 4, 2014



“Luna! Where the fuck is my car?”

“Why would I know? Jesus.”

“Hey, I’m talking to you! Where the fuck is my car?”

“For the last time, I don’t know anything about your stupid car.”

“Maybe a swim in the pool will jog your memory.”

“Hey, put me down!”

“Start talking, missy. It’s a short walk.”

“I really don’t know where your car is but if you put me down, maybe I can help you find it!”

“Too late. I just found it.”


“Right there.”

“Oh my god, someone drove it into the pool!”

“Someone’s going to pay for this.”

“It wasn’t me, sir. You got to believe me!”

“I believe you.”

“Who do you think did it then?”

“Alex and I’m going to kill him.”

“Oh, wait. No. See, you don’t know that for sure.”

“It was Alex! God dammit.”

 “No, it couldn’t have been him. He's a really nice guy! Alex would never do something like… Hey, wait! Let go, put me down. I don’t want to go for a swim! The water is cold and…”


Thursday, April 3, 2014

The End

Alex showed up on time. 
Asa came out of the shadows.
His guard stood close behind him.

Alex pulled out a gun.
But Michael walked in.
And told him to put it away.

“What the fuck is going on here? Where is Luna?”

“She’s down the hall sir, asleep in a guest room.”


“The storm sent a branch through her window.”

“My god! Is she okay?”

“She’s fine, just a little shaken up.”

“She’s fucking covered in scratches, you idiot!”

“Asa, calm down. I should go see her. Alex, what’s with the gun?”

“Just protecting myself.”

“Tell him the truth, Alex. You’re nervous because my guard caught you and Luna making-out in the hallway! That’s why you broke into my place and jumped him, isn’t it.”

“That’s absurd.”

“Is this true, Alex?”

“Of course not.”


“I saw Luna was missing so I went to find her. I did and brought her back.”

“She was fucking fine where she was.”

“Oh shut up, both of you.”

“Hello, papa!”

“Luna! Dear god. Look at all the scratches! Are you okay?”


“Good girl but you don’t look okay. Tell me something, sweetie. Did Alex happen to kiss you while I was gone?”

“No! Gosh golly, no. Of course not.”

“Your lips say no but the giggles say yes. Asa, take Luna back to the guest room so I can have a moment with Alex.”

“Asa stood on my feet while you were gone, papa.”

“He what?”

“It’s true. He squished them on purpose because he was mad at me.”

“Asa, is that true?”

“Of course not. She’s crazy.”

“Why was Asa mad at you, Luna?”

“Um, I forgot.”

“You threw a fit and got kicked out of the library again, Luna!”

“That’s because Alex pissed me off!”

“That’s because you were late!”

“Everyone shut up! I’ve heard enough. Asa get out of here and take your guard with you. I’ll tend to Luna myself and Alex, if I ever catch you kissing this one I’ll arrange to have Asa fuck you up myself. Now everyone OUT!”