Saturday, August 25, 2012

At The Party


Alex & Asa

Alex: “Where’s Michael?”
Asa: “Over there.”
“Where’s Luna?”
“Standing outside the men’s room, waiting to suck my dick.”
“Fuck off Asa, I need to talk to her. Where is she?”
“I told you. Go look for yourself. I bet she’s standing in front of the men’s room.”

Alex & Luna

“Luna, what are you doing outside the men’s room?”
“Oh hi Alex, nothing.”
“Good then you won’t mind if we go for a walk.”
“Have you seen Asa?”
“No, I haven’t. Ready?”
“Um, sure.”

Michael & Asa

Michael: “Have you seen, Luna?”
Asa: “She just left on a walk with Alex.”
“What the fuck for? I told her to come right back.”
“Want me to hunt her down?”
“Yes.”
“Done.”

Asa & Alex

Asa: “Where’s Luna?”
Alex: “Oh hey prick, she’s headed to the ladies room, had to rinse out her mouth. Don’t be too mad at her, she had better taste than to wait around for you.”

Luna & Michael

“Luna, where the hell have you been?”
“The line at the bathroom was really long.”
“That’s not where you’ve been.”
“Have you seen Asa?”
“Shut up and sit down.”
“Okay.”

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Bugs

ALEX: “How was your day, Luna?”

“It sucked.”

“Sorry to hear that. Why? What happened?”

“Nothing really, it was just stupid.”

“Are you mad at someone?”

“No.”

“Is someone mad at you?”

“No.”

“Then why did you have a bad day?”

“I didn’t say it was bad, I said it was stupid.”

“So, you were bored.”

“No, I wasn’t bored.”

“Help me out here, Luna.”

“It was stupid because it just was, okay? Leave me alone.”

“Ah. I get it now, something happened and you don’t want to tell me about it. Fine. I’ll leave you alone.”

“Wait, don’t go!”

“Luna, what the fuck is your problem?”

“Nothing! Don’t leave me alone though, okay? That wouldn’t be very nice.”

“What?!”

“Just stop asking me stupid questions, okay?”

“Stupid questions?!”

“Yeah, like that one.”

“I’m out of here.”

“Wait no, okay! I’ll be nice, promise.”

*dirty look*

“Okay, I take away the promise part.”

*heavy sigh*

*little sigh*

“What did you do for fun today, Luna?”

“I went on a walk and took pictures.”

“Of what, dare I ask?”

“Bugs!”

“Bugs?”

“Yup, bugs! You know, like the little crawly things I sometimes put in your…. never mind.”

“Very funny.”

“You have no idea.”

“Not even going to ask.”

“Probably wouldn’t answer.”

“So. Did you have fun taking pictures of bugs?”

“Yes I did, until the stupid dog ate one of them.”

“He didn’t.”

“He did! Then the same stupid dog, stepped on another one, right when I took the picture!”

“That would’ve been a funny picture!”

“No, it wouldn’t have!”

“Okay maybe not, but I think this is a funny photograph. What do you think?”

“Hey! That’s a picture of me… taking a picture of a bug! Give me that!”

“Take it, I’ve printed off a mountain of copies in a myriad of sizes. I do love how your rump is positioned so high in the air, whilst your nose is inches from the ground.”

“I can’t believe you did this, you pervert!”

“Pervert?!”

“Yes, pervert!”

“Oh darling, you have no idea how perverted I can be, when I want to be.”

*smiles*

*smiles*

 “I didn’t know you had a camera.”

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me.”

“Like what?”

“Put your new picture away, my darling. I don’t think Michael would find any humor in it.”

“Maybe I should show it to him!”

“Don’t you dare.”

“I bet YOU would get in a lot of trouble!”

“Give me that back!”

“No!”

“Yes!”

“No! Stop it!”

“Give it here, dammit!”

MICHAEL: “I’ll take that.”

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Hammer

“Luna, what are you doing?”

“Oh hey Alex… um nothing.”

“Nothing my ass. What are you doing with a hammer?”

“This hammer? Oh you know…  hammering things.”

“Asa’s things?”

“Maybe.”

“As much as I hate that bastard I can’t let you do it.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m not a dick. He asked me to give you this.”

“A new camera!” *gasp*

“I don’t know what this is about and I don’t want to know, but I want the hammer back.”

“Fine.”

“What else have you got on you?”

“That’s it!”

“Liar.”

“Whoa! Nothing like getting patted down first thing in the morning, nice!”

“Luna, what are you packing around a lighter for?”

“Um, I forgot.”

“…and why are there wood chips in your hair?”

“I dunno.”

“…and why do you smell like… like gasoline?”

*blank stare*

“WHY is the fire alarm going off now?”

“What?”

“WHY IS THE FIRE ALARM GOING OFF NOW, LUNA!”

“WHAT?”

“WHY IS THE… WIPE THAT FUCKING GRIN OFF YOUR FACE AND GET OUTSIDE!”

“FINE!”

“YOU’RE IN DEEP SHIT, LUNA!”

“FIGURED!”

“JUST MEET ME OUTSIDE AND DON’T GO RUNNING OFF ANYWHERE!”

“…BUT I WANT TO GO TAKE PICTURES!”

“YOU WILL DO NO SUCH THING!”

“TRY AND STOP ME! HAHAHAHAHA!”

“YOU ASKED FOR IT.”

“OUCH, SHIT GOD DAMN MOTHER FUCKER! I WAS JUST KIDDING. HEY! GIVE ME BACK MY CAMERA!”

“NO. LET GO!”

“NOOOOOO! GOD DAMMIT! IT’S MINE! GIVE IT BACK!”

“OUCH! DAMMIT LUNA! …DID YOU JUST BITE ME?!”

“HA! GOT IT!”

“GET BACK HERE!”

“NO FUCKING WAY!”

“PUT THE HAMMER BACK LUNA! GOD DAMMIT, GET BACK HERE! …Fuck. It’s no use, she’s gone.  It’s not even eight in the morning and I got to deal with this shit. Poor girl. I’ve had enough, time to play dirty.”

Friday, August 3, 2012

A Living Hell part II

*Beep*

Hey Asa, this is Alex. You might want to pick up your phone. I just saw Luna’s list-of-shit to do today and it does not look good for you. Problem is, I can’t find her. Call me when you get this message.

*Beep*

A Living Hell

“Hi Asa.”

“Well hello there, Luna! How is my little porn star?”

“Fuck you, you fucking asshole. Did you show Michael any of those pictures?”

“Fuck no, and don’t talk to me that way.”

“Michael made it sound like he’s seen something.”

“He‘s suspicious, nothing new. Why are you here?”

“Michael said you have to buy me a new camera.”

“Fuck you, he did not.”

“He said he wasn’t going to buy one and so you would have to, so pleeeeease!”

“No fucking way! I can’t believe you have the nerve to even ask.”

“I want a camera GOD DAMMIT! …and if you don’t buy me one, I’m going to do everything I can to make your life a living hell! A LIVING FUCKING HELL GOD DAMMIT!”

“LUNA!”

“You know I will.”

“Get back here you little bitch! Where you going?”

“Bitch?! Oh, you ain’t seen nothing yet, bitch.”

“GET BACK HERE, NOW!”

*DOOR SLAM*

“God dammit... Luna, I hope you just left to dig yourself a grave.”

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Picture Perfect

Michael:

“Luna?”

“Yes, sir?”

“Where’s your new camera, the one I just bought for you?”

“Up in my room.”

“Did you take pictures with it today?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Um well, it kind of got lead poisoning.”

“Lead poisoning?”

“Yup. Wasn‘t my fault though.”

“Lead poisoning?”

“Yup.”

“Asa shot up you’re brand new camera, didn’t he.”

“Yes, but it wasn’t my fault. Promise! It was all just a big misunderstanding.”

“Really.”

“Yup.”

“Alright then Luna, let’s hear it… your side of the story.”

“Well, I was trying to take pictures of the sunset but Asa thought I was taking pictures of him through his window and he never let me explain. That’s all.”

“Luna?”

“Yeah?”

“I heard what happened and I know what room you were in… it faces east.”

“Oh. Yeah well, see I realized that after everything was all set up, I felt kind of stupid, really.”

“I’m not buying your excuse.”

“Please reconsider?”

“What exactly happened after Asa shot up your camera?”

“Jordon escorted me home.”

“Really?”

“That’s how I remember it.”

“Jordon’s not very happy with you.”

“I didn’t mean to hit him that hard, tell him I’m sorry please.”

“Tell him yourself the next time you see him.”

“Okay.”

“Luna, why the fuck did you think it would be a good idea to spy on Asa… of all fucking people!”

“Well, because I’m pretty sure he spies on me!”

“That’s his fucking job!”

“Well, I don’t like it and I just wanted to see if I could do it back.”

“Then tell me you’ve learned that the answer is no, you cannot!”

“Fine. I guess the answer is no, I cannot.”

“Perfect.”

“Cool! Can I have a new camera then?”

“Sure you can, princess.”

“Yay!”

“As soon as you convince Asa to buy you one.”

“Hey! That’s not fair!”

“That’s very fair since Asa’s the reason your camera is no longer ‘with us’ once again. That‘s two fucking cameras, Luna. Convince him you’ve learned where not to point one.”

“He’ll never buy me a new camera.”

“So-be-it.”

“Fine. Then maybe I should just steal his.”

“Thinking out loud again?”

“I’m joking, of course. I‘d never steal anything of Asa‘s.”

“I don’t like the way you antagonize him.”

“I don’t mean to.”

“I think you do. I think you do it on purpose and I think you two like to play fucked up little games when you think I’m not looking.”

“…course not.”

“Asa does have a nice camera Luna, I’ll give you that. The pictures are incredible, and you… you’re very photogenic my dear, near picture perfect. Now, without another word, do yourself a favor and get the fuck out of my face.”