Thursday, October 31, 2013



“Luna! Are you doing what I think you’re doing?”


“Luna! We’re in public. Stop it.”

“No one can tell. Besides, it’s kind of fun.”

“Knock it off before someone sees you.”

“Does it bother you? To know what I’m doing?”

“Yes, it does and you’ve got three seconds to stop it before I tie your hands behind your back for the rest of the day.”

Asa:  “Hi there. Whoa Luna! Were you just doing what I think you were doing?”


Michael:  “Yes.”

“Was not.”

“Get your fingers out of your mouth.”

Asa:  “Can we get out of this fucking store already?”

Michael:  “Good idea.”

Luna:  “Wait! No one’s bought me anything yet.”

Michael:  “God forbid. Well, this ought to do.”

Luna:  “I don’t have any use for a necktie.”

Michael:  “Yes you do...”

Asa:  “Nice. That’ll keep her hands from wandering.”

Luna:  “Oh, come on. This is stupid.”

Michael:  “Walk over to the register so I can pay for the tie.”

Luna:  “No way! And if you make me, I'll tell the dude exactly why my hands are tied behind my back.”

Asa:  “And another tie for the mouth. Saw that coming.”

Michael:  “Much better. Let’s get out of here."

Asa:  “Me fucking first.”

Thursday, October 24, 2013



“Luna, where is my secretary?”

“I dunno.”


“She’s out on an errand.”

“You sent my secretary out on an errand?”

“There’s only room for one of us here.”

“Luna, I need my secretary. Go find her, I’ll be in my fucking office.”

*door slam*


*phone rings*

Luna:  “Hello! You have reached Asa’s office. He is currently unavailable, especially if you’re a lady. Please leave a message after the beep or not… um beep.”

Asa:  “Did you just answer my phone?”

“Of course not.”

“God dammit! Where the hell is my secretary?”

“I’m your secretary now, no sense in trying to fight it.”

“I’m only going to say this one more time, female. Get my fucking secretary back here or your ass is mine.”

*door slam*


*phone rings*

Luna:  (breathes hard, moans and hangs up)

Asa:  “GOD DAMMIT! That’s it, come here you little bitch.”

Luna:  “Oh, well look whose back! It’s your secretary. Hi there sweetheart, thank-you for the latte. Sorry about the blizzard outside. You don’t look so bad considering the walk. Asa wants to talk to you but I’ll warn you, he’s a little cranky this morning. Anyway, I’ll just leave you two alone to discuss how I got in here and how to prevent it from happening in the future. Bye-bye!”

*door slam*

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Halloween Party

Alex: “Luna? Is that you?”

“Yup! Hi sir.”

“That’s one hell of a costume you’re wearing.”

“I decided to be Cleopatra this year.”

“I thought you were going to be a drag queen.”

“Michael said no, he burnt my costume in a tiny fit of rage.”

“Told you that wouldn’t go over well.”

“He said he didn’t like me running around with a cock. He said it wasn’t very lady-like but I almost wore it anyway.”

“Is that why he grabbed your crotch in the parking lot?”

“Yes, what an asshole. It’s like he doesn’t even trust me.”

“Go figure.”

“By the way, your costume is boring sir.”

“I’m too old to dress up for Halloween.”

“You’re dressed up like a boring, old teacher that doesn’t know how to have any fun.”

“Let’s go bob for apples, Luna. You first, so I can help.”

“Ha ha ha, very funny. Hold my purse. I need to fix my costume.”

“I don’t want to hold your purse.”

“Careful, there are snakes in it.”

“Tell me you’re lying.”

“Can’t you feel them moving around?”

“Oh my God, Luna!”

“Hey, you dropped my purse! Come here my precious little babies.”

“Dammit! What the hell did you bring snakes to the party for?”

“They’re just my pets. I found them.”

“I don’t believe you. I think Cleopatra brought snakes to the party for a reason.”

“Trick or treat!”



“Promise you’ll keep them in your purse.”

“If you’ll promise not to tell Michael I have ‘em.”

“One is trying to escape.”

“Oh hello there, little fella! What are you up to? …He’s just looking for the backseat of your car, sir. I’ll go show him the way.”

“LUNA!!!  Get back here! …Dammit. That girl can run fast in a pair of heels.” 

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Asa's Place

Knock knock knock.


Knock Knock Knock!


Pound! Pound…

“Luna, what the hell do you want?”

“Trick or treat!”

“What... in the fuck are you wearing?”

“My Halloween costume! I’m a drag queen. Do you like my boobs?”

“Stop jumping up and down.”

“They’re water balloons.”

“Great, Luna.”

“Hey, do you wanna make-out?”


“Check out my package!”

“WHOA. Luna, what the fuck!”

“It’s another water balloon.”

“Christ. Does Michael know where you are?”

“Probably not.”

Michael: “There you are!”


“I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

“Tada! Here I am.”

“Luna, I already told you that is NOT an acceptable costume for tonight’s Halloween party. Go home and change.”

“But I worked really long… and hard… on this costume!”

“Don’t grab yourself like that.”

“Whoops, I have a wet spot. Think I might’ve sprung a leak in my weenie balloon.”

“Dammit, Luna!”

“Just kidding.”

“Get out of here!”

“What if I don’t want to go?”

“Asa? Get me a collar and leash off one of the dogs.”


“Never mind. Damn, that girl can run fast in heels.”

Sunday, October 13, 2013

The Wedding: Finale

Luna ran through the pouring rain and made it back to the church. The music played inside. She hid among the coats in the closet and spied on the people walking by.

Lightning struck, the lights went out. It caused a stir for a while. But candles were lit and arrangements made, the wedding was about to start.

The organ cued, guests hurried into the chapel. Luna stayed behind. She sat in the closet and wondered what Asa had planned.

The bride walked down the aisle, Luna wanted a peek. She slipped from the closet and towards the door then slowly pushed it aside.

It was very hard to see. The bride had reached the groom but Asa had taken his place. She screamed in horror then dropped her pretty bouquet.

The party began to talk, everyone a bit confused. Luna smiled and grew more curious. She walked further into the room.

The groom walked in behind her and pointed a gun at Asa but Luna was in the way. Michael plowed over seated guests and hauled her ass outside.

Asa disappeared during the distraction. They gathered back at the house. Michael was mad but Asa just laughed and admired his trampled bouquet.

Monday, October 7, 2013

The Wedding Part III


“Oh great. Now I’m stuck in this stupid car and that bastard didn’t even leave me any smokes.

Fuck him.

I bet there's a few butts in the ashtray.

Sweet, there is and matches too.

Fuck. I can’t crack the window without any keys.

Dammit! Why do these stupid things always happen to me?

Fine. I’ll open the car door then. I don’t care if his fancy car gets wet.”


“GOD DAMMIT! That thunder nearly scared the shit out of me. 

It’s raining so hard I can’t see the church anymore.

I don’t like being out here.

I don’t like smoking these stupid butts either.

Speaking of butts, Asa was looking mighty fine tonight. No one should look that good in a suit. It’s taxing on a girl.

I want that new ring of his, holy shit it was fucking huge. 

I wonder if I could slip it off his finger.

He has a few more tattoos since I last saw him. Didn’t think there was room.

Sexy as hell.

Fuck, then he has to see me in this stupid dress. Good thing it’s mostly covered up by my coat.

Whoops! Would you look at that. There’s a brand new cigarette burn in my pretty yellow dress.

Sorry sir, I’m such a klutz sometimes.


I’m bored.

I definitely want to go back inside.

I want to know what’s going on.

Asa’s always involved in the craziest shit.

Maybe I’ll just hide in the back of the room, no one will notice.

I’ve got to get out of this car, anyway.  I’m freezing.

It’s a plan then.

Wish me luck!”

Saturday, October 5, 2013

The Wedding Part II

Alex & Michael

Alex: “Beautiful church for a wedding.”

“Yes, it is.”

“Have you seen Asa?”


“Did you bring Luna?”

“She’s hanging up her coat.”

“It’s pouring rain out there.”

“Plenty of lightning and thunder, too.”

“Let me know if you see Asa.”


“Because he wasn’t invited.”


Asa & Luna

Luna: “Hi sir. Beautiful night for a wedding, don’t you think?”

“What are you doing here?”

“It was Michael’s idea.”

“Follow me out to my car. I want to talk to you.”

“Fine but you owe me a cigarette.”

“Hurry up! It’s fucking nasty out.”

“I’m getting soaked!”

“Shut up and get in.”

“Damn, it’s really coming down now.”

“Fuck I hate the rain.”

“I love the rain, it’s so romantic.”

“Luna, you can’t go back in.”

“Why not?”

“I have a little business to take care of.”

“I don’t like the sound of that.”

“Stay here. I’ll tell Michael where you are.”

“But wait, sir! I want to come…”

*door slam*

“...dammit. I wanted to come with him. I hate being alone.”

Friday, October 4, 2013

The Wedding

Michael and Luna

Michael:  “Luna, go get dressed. The wedding starts in an hour.”

“Why do I have to go?”

“Why do you have to question me?”

“Why do you have to answer my question with a question?”

“They’ll be serving alcohol, sweetheart.”

“Should I wear the red dress or the blue one?”

“The red one. I want to be able to pick you out of the crowd.”

“I’ll behave.”

“Yeah, right.”

“I get bored.”

“You get in trouble.”

“Cures the boredom.”


Alex and Asa

Alex: “Hey Asa. Are you going to the wedding?”

“Fuck yeah, I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I was banging that bitch a week ago. Can’t wait to watch her squirm when I walk in.”

“Oh shit! You aren’t going to start any trouble, are you?”



Michael and Luna

Michael:  “Luna, that is NOT the red dress I had in mind and your fishnet stockings are completely inappropriate.”

“Fine. I’ll go put on my white dress.”


“Why not?”

“We don’t need anyone mistaking you for the bride.”

“That would be so much fun.”


“Fine. How about my gold dress?”


“My black dress?”

“Fuck no!”

“Well god dammit! What do you want me to wear then?”

“What about your purple dress?”

“I ripped it falling out of the tree, remember?”

“Grrr. What about the pink one?”

“I burnt a hole in it.”

“Luna, that one was a gift.”

“It was also an accident.”

“Go put on your yellow dress.”

“I hate that thing!”

“I know. Let me know if you need help zipping it up.”

Thursday, October 3, 2013


Luna sat on the couch,
Asa peered over her shoulder.

She didn’t know he was there.

She carried on,
And continued to write in her journal.

In between lines,
She would balance her pen,

On the edge of her bottom lip.

It made him get off,
But she noticed him there.

And sucked on it like a cock.

Asa began to ignore her,
He started to read her words.

They weren’t for him to see.

She figured it out,
And slammed it shut.

Then hid it under her dress.

But Asa leaned down,
And fished it out.

Then turned and walked away.