Wednesday, July 31, 2013


Alex: “Luna, where have you been?”


“Why is your purse wet?”

“I’m not sure!”

“Where are the keys to my car?”

“I don’t know.”

“Why does your hair look like you’ve been out for a joyride?”

“It does?”

“I spent the afternoon listening to the police scanner, Luna.”

“Oh really?”

“Someone kept them awfully busy and for quite some time.”

“Huh, weird. So did they catch the guy?”

“No Luna, it would appear that they did not.”

“Bummer. Sounds entertaining!”

“Oh, it was.”

“What an apple? So, exactly what kind of mischief did this person cause?”

“Well for starters, she held up a fruit stand with a leaky squirt-gun and no, I do not want an apple.”


“Yes, she. They weren’t fooled by the fake mustache.”

“Hahaha! Funny.”

“Hand over my keys.”

“I told you already, I don’t have them.”

“What the hell where you thinking, when you come to a complete stop on the freeway?”

“I had to let out that homeless guy.”


“He said something about getting car sick.”

“From doing donuts in the park, perhaps?”

“It wasn’t me.”

“It was you.”

“I was just teasing sir, I would never take your car out for a joyride, ever.”

“There’s a bug stuck to your forehead.”

“Ew! There is not.”

“That’s what happens when you stick your head out of a fast moving car.”

“I just wanted to tell that dick in front of me to move it.”


“It wasn’t me.”

“You have another bug stuck on your cheek.”

“Gross! You’re just trying to make me confess.”

 “Smile, I bet there’s a few in your teeth.”


“Sure enough, there they are.”

“EW EW EW! I need a mirror.”

“Get back here. You’re not going anywhere until I get my keys.”

“Let go!”


“But I already told you I didn’t…”


“Dammit! Fine. Here are your stupid keys. Now let go.”

“Not a chance.”

“Hey! That’s not fair.”

“I can’t believe you managed to elude the police, Luna. What the hell did you do with the plates to my car?”

“I put them on Asa’s car, why?”

“My car was reported stolen.”


“Go wash your face Luna, I’m going to listen to the scanner some more.”

Sunday, July 21, 2013



“Hi Anthony. How are you today? …My non-social, muted guard. I still don’t understand why they hired you. Least you could do is talk to me.

That’s a very lovely black shirt you have on there, Anthony. It matches your black pants, black shoes and black jacket. It kind of reminds of what you wore yesterday… a black shirt, black pants, black shoes and matching jacket. Weird.

I’d like to see you in something I don’t know, not black. I’d like to see you in blue jeans! Well, I’d like to see you in nothing at all but lucky for you, I would never say such an inappropriate thing. I'm classy like that., always taking the high road.

Oh, and speaking of classy... Do you like my new stilettos? Check out the cleats on the bottom. I made them myself. As soon as I get them strapped on, I want to go show them to Asa.

I know he probably told you not to tell me where he is but I want you to lead the way. Think you can handle it?

Okay I’m ready to go.

Let’s go.

I said let’s go!

Take me to Asa, god dammit!

Listen, you’re new around here Anthony but let me fill you in on something you’ll soon learn.  I make the rules around here, so just do yourself a fucking favor and take me to Asa.

Anthony, if you don’t take me to Asa right now, I’m going to stomp on your foot with my new shoes. What do you think of that, bitch!

Asa:     “ANTHONY! Whoa hey buddy! Put the girl down! Put Luna down... there you go... release the headlock…easy, easy. Perfect. Luna what the hell is going on here?”

Luna: “Hi Asa. Do you remember last night when you told me I was a mouthy spoiled rotten brat that would never amount to anything, doesn’t know when to shut up and can’t control her temper?”

Asa: “Yeah, so what?”


Wednesday, July 17, 2013


Alex:  “Why are you walking through the house with a shovel, Luna?”

“No reason.”

“Now what are you doing with a ladder?”


“Alright. Get back here with that chainsaw, Luna.”

“This one?”

“Yes that one. What exactly are you doing?”

 “I’m helping with the landscape.”

“Oh really. And what does the landscape crew think of that?”

“I don’t think they like it.”

“I don’t imagine they do. Give me the chainsaw.”

“I’m not done with it.”

“I think you are.”

“But it’s the only way I know how to get that branch off your car.”


“Just kidding! Hahaha.”

“Dammit Luna. Just stay inside while they’re here.”

“Fine. I’m gonna go make 'em lemonade.”

“Non-alcoholic this time, Luna.”


Monday, July 8, 2013

At the Museum

“Asa! Holy shit, what are you doing here?”

“What the hell are YOU doing here Luna, we had plans!”

“Don’t let Alex see you.”

“Fuck him. Let’s go.”


“Excuse me?”

“I don’t want to cause any trouble.”

“Luna, I’m going to hold out my hand and you’re going to take it. Then, we’re going to walk out of here unnoticed. Do it.”


“Take my fucking hand!”


“I said, take it!”

“Ouch! Let go, you’re squeezing it too tight!”

Alex: “Let go of her, Asa.”

“Fuck you, Alex.”

“Let go of her. People are starting to stare.”

“Fuck I hate you, Alex.”

“I don’t fucking care.”

“Fucking god dammit! Fine, you twat. I’m out of here but first I have to tell Luna a secret. Come here, babe.”

“No, I don’t want to hear a secret.”

“I said come here!”

Asa grabbed Luna by the arm. He leaned in to tell her a secret then bit her ear instead. She knew it was coming, he’d done it before. She tried not to make a scene. He turned and left as everyone watched.

Luna had some explaining to do.