Saturday, December 28, 2013

Aye Papa

“The boys are speaking Spanish again.
Hate it when they do that.
Actually, it’s sexy as hell but I want to know what they’re saying.
Asa sounds pissed.
Hope he’s not mad at me.
Shit! I just heard my name.
Great, now Alex is mad too.
I have a feeling I’m in deep shit.
Wonder what for...
Could be a plethora of things, really.
Wish I could sneak out of here.
Can’t a girl rummage through a few coats in private anymore?
Uh-oh. Heard my name again.
I’m so fucked.
Wonder if Alex finally noticed the dent in his car.
Wonder if he thought it was Asa.
I wonder if…
Holy shit. Preparing to run in three, two…”

Asa:  “Hello Luna, missing something?”

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Bird Brain


“Luna, what do you have in your hands?”

“A bird.”

“Why are you carrying it around the house?”

“For fun.”

“Take it back outside before it gets away.”


“Did you just put it in your mouth?”


“What the fuck did you do that for? Don’t answer that. 
Just go set it free, will you?

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Bad Santa


“So Luna, have you been a good girl for Santa this year?”

“Fuck no and why would you even ask.”

“He left you a present.”

“Ooh, give it to me!”

“Wait a minute. It doesn’t sound like you deserve it.”

“Well that wasn’t very nice. It sounds like Santa wanted me to have it or he wouldn’t have given it to you to give to me. So, hand it over.”

“Hey, maybe it’s for me! I just assumed it was for you since it was addressed to my little angel. I didn’t think Santa would be so mushy with me but I guess it’s possible.”

“It’s not for you. Give it here.”

“No. You’re being a brat.”

“Fine then I’ll go back to singing x-mas carols.”

“X-mas carols indeed. Take your present.”

“Oh yay! For me? You shouldn’t have.”

“I didn’t, trust me.”

“Oh look, earrings!”

“Nipple clips.”


“Nothing. Try them on, Luna.”

“Ow! These earrings aren’t very nice.”

“I think it’s safe to say Santa bought those for you.”

“I take it I’m expected to wear these to the dinner party tonight?”

“Absolutely not!”

“Good, I’m not sure what Santa was thinking.”

"Me neither and that is the last time I offer to deliver a present."

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Mission Accomplished

Alex:  “What the hell did you say that for?”

Luna:  “I’m sorry.”

“No, you get back here. Sorry doesn’t cut it this time.”

“I didn’t mean it!”

“Then you shouldn’t have said it.”

“I take it back.”

“Too late.”


“Explanation yourself.”

“You don't have to be so rough.”

“I barely have a hold of you. Answer me.”

“I said it to get a reaction, I suppose.”

“Mission accomplished.”


"I am not hurting you."

"You're scaring me."

“You wanted a reaction and you got one. I'm angry now. Are you happy?”



“I told you I didn’t mean it.”

“Words are powerful things, Luna. They’re weapons and you know it. I put up with a lot of bullshit from you but this time you've gone too far. You should have thought twice before telling me…”

Michael: “What's going on in here?”

Alex: “Nothing. I was just leaving.”

Saturday, December 14, 2013


“Luna, you look cold
Come here
That’s right
Climb inside my jacket
The wind has picked up
And put a chill in the air
Are you getting warmer?
I can feel your hands
Little lady
They’re frozen
We’ll go home soon
I just want to stay
A little bit longer
The stars are amazing tonight
And the moon is so bright
It stands out like you do
My dear
In a room full of pinpricks
Come on
Don’t fall asleep Luna
Look at the sky
There’s a star just waiting
To fall for you.
Did you see it?
A falling star!
You saw it didn’t you?
What are the odds
Okay well
I guess we can go now
Sorry if you’re cold
What’s that?
You want to stay?
Alright then
But just a little bit longer
What are you doing
Hey hey hey
Let go of my belt!
Knock that off
Knock it off, Luna
Or I’ll take you straight home 
I’m not kidding
God you’re persistent
Go get in the car
And thanks a lot
For the hard-on
God dammit.”

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Baby It's Cold Outside


“Luna, what are you doing?”

“I’m bored.”

“I can tell. Stop playing with my hair.”

“Do you think those Christmas carolers will ever come back?”

“Probably not and that was embarrassing.”

“I was just dancing, the only way I know how.”

“You put the ‘ass’ in holiday classics.”

“Let’s go caroling!”

“No way.”

“…I really should go…”

“Please, don’t start singing.”

“…I really can’t stay…”

“Just be quiet and sit down.”

“…This evening has been…”

“Not on my lap!”

“…So very nice…”


“…Michael will start to worry…”

“Speaking of him, he’ll be home at any moment.”

“…Asa will be pacing the floor…”

“Fuck that asshole.”

“…So really I’d better scurry…”

“At least get off my lap.”

“…But maybe just a half a drink more…”

“That is the last thing you need.”

“…I ought to say no, no, no sir....”

“That would be a first.”

“…At least I’m gonna say that I tried…”


“…I really can’t stay…”

“Good then get off my lap.”

“…But it’s cold outside!”

Michael: “Luna, get off his lap.”

“Yes sir.”

Saturday, November 30, 2013


Asa: “Luna what did I tell you, right before I left?”

“To meet you at the casino?”

“That is NOT what I said and you know it.”

“Stop driving like an asshole, will you?”

“I’ll drive like an asshole if I want to.”

“Ouch! What did you pinch me for?”

“When I tell you to do something, you do it!”

“I can go to the casino if I want to.”

“No you can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Who’s that guy you were kissing on?”

“I don’t know, never met him before.”

“I catch you making out with a stranger and you want to question the rules?”

“I just wanted a cigarette.”


“Ow! Stop pinching me.”

“I’m not very happy to be driving you home, female!”

“You didn’t have to drive me home, we could’ve stayed there.”

“Get out. Alex is waiting for you at the door.”

“Dammit! I never got to spend all the money he accidentally gave me.”


“Learned it from you.”

“Give me the money.”


“Give me the money!”

“Fine, here.”

“Good, now get out of the car.”


“I said, get out of the car!”

“Where are you going?”

“Back to the casino to spend all this money you just accidentally gave me. Plus I want to meet your new boyfriend.”

“You’re an asshole.”

“OUCH! Hey bitch, you get back here!”

“Pinchy, pinchy!”

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Candy From a Stranger

Luna went to the casino, on a mission to hunt down Asa. She got distracted along the way.

“Ooh, is that a bar? I could go for a drink right now. Kinda nervous.

Oh, dear lord. Will you look at that man talking to the bartender.

He looks filthy rich. Bet he’ll buy my drink, they always do. Time to order something nice.

Asshole. He didn’t buy my drink. Good thing I stole plenty of money from Alex.

Really? Now this guy wants to know my name? Should’ve bought my drink, mister.

Hey buddy, let go!

Calm down? No, you calm down mother fucker!

Apology accepted, just because you’re cute. No, I don’t want to sit down.

Ouch! Okay fine I guess I’ll sit down. Who the hell does this guy think he is?

Great. I finally tell him my name but he won’t tell me his. What a prick.

He’s a good looking prick though, damn. Smells so fine. Got me sticking around for no good reason.

I need a cigarette. Pretty sure he'll give me one.

What a bastard! He wants a kiss for a cigarette.

You know, I have no problem with that.




Please never let this moment end.

Who the fuck is tapping on my shoulder?

Oh shit.

It's Asa.”

Wednesday, November 20, 2013


Luna:  “Hi sir!”

Asa:  “Hey, babe.”

“That’s a very nice suit you have on. Is it new?”

“Yes it is. Don’t touch it.”

“It’s white.”

“You’re very observant.”  

“I just mean, I wouldn’t dare touch it.”

“Good. I’ll let you keep your fingers then.”

“I like the gold buttons.”

“They’re nice.”

“Matches your gold chain.”

“Yes it does.”

“And your gold teeth.”

“That’s enough, Luna.”


“You talk too much, you know that?”

“I know. So, where are you going?”

“To the casino.”

“To gamble?”

“This time.”

“I don’t think they like you there.”

“That’s because I’m a winner and they don’t like winners there.”

“You’re also a cheater.”

“Again, with the talking too much.”

“Is that a new tattoo?”

“Yes it is. I got a couple new ones.”


“I had this one done for you.”

“Oh my god.”

“Do you like it?”

“You got my name tattooed… on the inside of your wrist?”

“Yes I did, so don’t ever disappoint me.”


“Fuck, I got to go. I’m running late.”

“I don’t think you should go.”

“Why not.”

“I don’t know. I just have a bad feeling.”

“Move it, you’re sitting on my gun.”

“Oh, sorry.”

“I’m out of here but listen up. Do not follow me. Don't wait up and don’t tell anyone about the gun. Got it?”

“Got it.”

“Goodbye, Luna.”

*door slam*

“Oh my god, he likes me. I need to find something to wear.”

*door opens*

“Don’t follow me Luna, I mean it!”


*door slams*

“Something white to match his suit. Dammit, I love the casino.”

Monday, November 11, 2013



“Excuse me, Ma’am? Have you seen a young girl pass by? She’s short with long dark hair, wearing a black dress with…

She went that way? Thank-you.

Pardon me, Sir? Have you seen a young girl running around? She’s short with long dark hair, wearing a black dress with red boots…

She went in there? Are you kidding me? Fuck. If you’ll excuse me.

Hello there. It seems I would like a ticket to whatever is playing in this theatre. Thank-you. So what is playing tonight?

Great, judging by the look on your face I don’t even want to know.

Usher, excuse me but have you seen a young girl come through? She’s short with long black hair, wearing a black dress, red boots and a spiky leather collar.

Never mind, I see her. She’s climbing on stage and it appears I’ve bought a ticket to a male strip show. Excuse me.

Whoa lady! Hey, don’t be grabbing me there! Jesus, I got to get out of here, these chicks are crazy.

Damn. Guess I’ll just wait outside by the back door. They should be kicking her out at any...”

“Hi, sir!"

“Hello, Luna.”

Friday, November 8, 2013

Check Mate

Alex:  “Luna, this game is taking forever. Go, it’s your turn.”


“That was a weird play.”

“I like to move the horse.”

“I’ve noticed.”

“It’s your turn. You’re holding up the game, sir.”

“Smart ass. Okay, there.”

“My turn!”

“That’s not a legal move, Luna.”



“What about there?”

“That’ll be just fine. My turn then.”

“Hey, you took my horse! You can’t take my horse, give it back!”

“That’s how the game works, Luna. I thought you knew how to play.”

“Take my stupid queen instead.”

“I don’t…”

“Switch me! I don’t like her and I want her off the damn board.”

“Is that why you’ve got her face down in the corner?”

“Yes. She’s crazy and I must keep her far, far away from the king who I plan to marry.”


“Switch me.”



“I think it’s time for lunch.”

“Are you forfeiting?”

“Yes, I guess I am.”

“Yippee, I won! I’m so smart and talented and pretty and wonderful and…”

“Shut up and help me put everything away.”


“Hey, I saw that.”


“You just put the queen in your pocket.”

“Did not!”

“Put it back.”

“Stupid queen, fine. I might have to let you go for now lady but one day, I will find you and strap you down and saw off your little...”

“Put it back!”

“Okay fine!”


Tuesday, November 5, 2013


Asa:  “Luna, what are you listening to? That’s awful, turn it off.”

“It’s classical music and this song is almost over.”

“I don’t care. Turn it off, now.”

“Thirty more seconds.”

“No more seconds!”

“Hey, give that back!”

“You had your chance.”

“Where are you taking it?”

“Back off.”

“Hey! What the fuck did you throw it out the window for?”

“Hehehe, that was fun.”

“It’s raining and you probably ruined it!”

“Where are you going, brat?”

“To go get it, thanks a lot. Asshole.”

“Get back here!”

“No, let go.”

“Stop fighting me.”

“No. Let go!”

“You’re mine now, you little bitch and you know what that means...”

Michael:  “What the fuck is going on in here?”

Asa:  “It’s Luna, she’s throwing a tantrum as well as her things out the window. I’m just trying to calm her down.”

Luna:  “Liar!”

“Luna calm down. Asa, let her go.”

“Yay! Finally. Now I can go get my stupid stereo.”


“Why not?”

“Because I said so.”

“That’s a stupid reason.”

“Because you’re mine and I make the rules around here. Don’t you forget it, young lady.”

Alex:  “Hello, um someone lost a stereo. Nearly hit me with it as I was coming up to the house and judging by the cd inside, this doesn’t belong to Asa.”

Luna:  “I did NOT throw my damn stereo out the window! Now give it back.”

Alex:  “No.”

“Why not.”

“Because you stole my cd.”

“Did not.”

“Did so.”

“Well if I did, then it must be mine so hand it over.”

“I've officially stolen it back.”

“God dammit, fine. But I really liked that cd.”

“You did?”




“Well, I guess I can let you borrow it a bit longer.”

“Why can’t I just have it?”

“Because it’s mine, Luna.”

“Fine but I think I might need a new stereo.”

Alex:  “Don’t look at me!”

“Okay then. Asa, I need a new...”

Asa:  “No fucking way.”

“Um sir, I think I need a new stereo.”

Michael:  “Luna?”

“Yes sir?”

“Why don’t you try playing the one you have?”

“Well what do you know, it works.”

Michael:  “God damn, Luna. I’m happy for you but that’s an awful song, turn it off.”

“Wait! It’s almost over.”


“Okay fine, sheesh.”

Thursday, October 31, 2013



“Luna! Are you doing what I think you’re doing?”


“Luna! We’re in public. Stop it.”

“No one can tell. Besides, it’s kind of fun.”

“Knock it off before someone sees you.”

“Does it bother you? To know what I’m doing?”

“Yes, it does and you’ve got three seconds to stop it before I tie your hands behind your back for the rest of the day.”

Asa:  “Hi there. Whoa Luna! Were you just doing what I think you were doing?”


Michael:  “Yes.”

“Was not.”

“Get your fingers out of your mouth.”

Asa:  “Can we get out of this fucking store already?”

Michael:  “Good idea.”

Luna:  “Wait! No one’s bought me anything yet.”

Michael:  “God forbid. Well, this ought to do.”

Luna:  “I don’t have any use for a necktie.”

Michael:  “Yes you do...”

Asa:  “Nice. That’ll keep her hands from wandering.”

Luna:  “Oh, come on. This is stupid.”

Michael:  “Walk over to the register so I can pay for the tie.”

Luna:  “No way! And if you make me, I'll tell the dude exactly why my hands are tied behind my back.”

Asa:  “And another tie for the mouth. Saw that coming.”

Michael:  “Much better. Let’s get out of here."

Asa:  “Me fucking first.”

Thursday, October 24, 2013



“Luna, where is my secretary?”

“I dunno.”


“She’s out on an errand.”

“You sent my secretary out on an errand?”

“There’s only room for one of us here.”

“Luna, I need my secretary. Go find her, I’ll be in my fucking office.”

*door slam*


*phone rings*

Luna:  “Hello! You have reached Asa’s office. He is currently unavailable, especially if you’re a lady. Please leave a message after the beep or not… um beep.”

Asa:  “Did you just answer my phone?”

“Of course not.”

“God dammit! Where the hell is my secretary?”

“I’m your secretary now, no sense in trying to fight it.”

“I’m only going to say this one more time, female. Get my fucking secretary back here or your ass is mine.”

*door slam*


*phone rings*

Luna:  (breathes hard, moans and hangs up)

Asa:  “GOD DAMMIT! That’s it, come here you little bitch.”

Luna:  “Oh, well look whose back! It’s your secretary. Hi there sweetheart, thank-you for the latte. Sorry about the blizzard outside. You don’t look so bad considering the walk. Asa wants to talk to you but I’ll warn you, he’s a little cranky this morning. Anyway, I’ll just leave you two alone to discuss how I got in here and how to prevent it from happening in the future. Bye-bye!”

*door slam*

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Halloween Party

Alex: “Luna? Is that you?”

“Yup! Hi sir.”

“That’s one hell of a costume you’re wearing.”

“I decided to be Cleopatra this year.”

“I thought you were going to be a drag queen.”

“Michael said no, he burnt my costume in a tiny fit of rage.”

“Told you that wouldn’t go over well.”

“He said he didn’t like me running around with a cock. He said it wasn’t very lady-like but I almost wore it anyway.”

“Is that why he grabbed your crotch in the parking lot?”

“Yes, what an asshole. It’s like he doesn’t even trust me.”

“Go figure.”

“By the way, your costume is boring sir.”

“I’m too old to dress up for Halloween.”

“You’re dressed up like a boring, old teacher that doesn’t know how to have any fun.”

“Let’s go bob for apples, Luna. You first, so I can help.”

“Ha ha ha, very funny. Hold my purse. I need to fix my costume.”

“I don’t want to hold your purse.”

“Careful, there are snakes in it.”

“Tell me you’re lying.”

“Can’t you feel them moving around?”

“Oh my God, Luna!”

“Hey, you dropped my purse! Come here my precious little babies.”

“Dammit! What the hell did you bring snakes to the party for?”

“They’re just my pets. I found them.”

“I don’t believe you. I think Cleopatra brought snakes to the party for a reason.”

“Trick or treat!”



“Promise you’ll keep them in your purse.”

“If you’ll promise not to tell Michael I have ‘em.”

“One is trying to escape.”

“Oh hello there, little fella! What are you up to? …He’s just looking for the backseat of your car, sir. I’ll go show him the way.”

“LUNA!!!  Get back here! …Dammit. That girl can run fast in a pair of heels.” 

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Asa's Place

Knock knock knock.


Knock Knock Knock!


Pound! Pound…

“Luna, what the hell do you want?”

“Trick or treat!”

“What... in the fuck are you wearing?”

“My Halloween costume! I’m a drag queen. Do you like my boobs?”

“Stop jumping up and down.”

“They’re water balloons.”

“Great, Luna.”

“Hey, do you wanna make-out?”


“Check out my package!”

“WHOA. Luna, what the fuck!”

“It’s another water balloon.”

“Christ. Does Michael know where you are?”

“Probably not.”

Michael: “There you are!”


“I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

“Tada! Here I am.”

“Luna, I already told you that is NOT an acceptable costume for tonight’s Halloween party. Go home and change.”

“But I worked really long… and hard… on this costume!”

“Don’t grab yourself like that.”

“Whoops, I have a wet spot. Think I might’ve sprung a leak in my weenie balloon.”

“Dammit, Luna!”

“Just kidding.”

“Get out of here!”

“What if I don’t want to go?”

“Asa? Get me a collar and leash off one of the dogs.”


“Never mind. Damn, that girl can run fast in heels.”

Sunday, October 13, 2013

The Wedding: Finale

Luna ran through the pouring rain and made it back to the church. The music played inside. She hid among the coats in the closet and spied on the people walking by.

Lightning struck, the lights went out. It caused a stir for a while. But candles were lit and arrangements made, the wedding was about to start.

The organ cued, guests hurried into the chapel. Luna stayed behind. She sat in the closet and wondered what Asa had planned.

The bride walked down the aisle, Luna wanted a peek. She slipped from the closet and towards the door then slowly pushed it aside.

It was very hard to see. The bride had reached the groom but Asa had taken his place. She screamed in horror then dropped her pretty bouquet.

The party began to talk, everyone a bit confused. Luna smiled and grew more curious. She walked further into the room.

The groom walked in behind her and pointed a gun at Asa but Luna was in the way. Michael plowed over seated guests and hauled her ass outside.

Asa disappeared during the distraction. They gathered back at the house. Michael was mad but Asa just laughed and admired his trampled bouquet.

Monday, October 7, 2013

The Wedding Part III


“Oh great. Now I’m stuck in this stupid car and that bastard didn’t even leave me any smokes.

Fuck him.

I bet there's a few butts in the ashtray.

Sweet, there is and matches too.

Fuck. I can’t crack the window without any keys.

Dammit! Why do these stupid things always happen to me?

Fine. I’ll open the car door then. I don’t care if his fancy car gets wet.”


“GOD DAMMIT! That thunder nearly scared the shit out of me. 

It’s raining so hard I can’t see the church anymore.

I don’t like being out here.

I don’t like smoking these stupid butts either.

Speaking of butts, Asa was looking mighty fine tonight. No one should look that good in a suit. It’s taxing on a girl.

I want that new ring of his, holy shit it was fucking huge. 

I wonder if I could slip it off his finger.

He has a few more tattoos since I last saw him. Didn’t think there was room.

Sexy as hell.

Fuck, then he has to see me in this stupid dress. Good thing it’s mostly covered up by my coat.

Whoops! Would you look at that. There’s a brand new cigarette burn in my pretty yellow dress.

Sorry sir, I’m such a klutz sometimes.


I’m bored.

I definitely want to go back inside.

I want to know what’s going on.

Asa’s always involved in the craziest shit.

Maybe I’ll just hide in the back of the room, no one will notice.

I’ve got to get out of this car, anyway.  I’m freezing.

It’s a plan then.

Wish me luck!”

Saturday, October 5, 2013

The Wedding Part II

Alex & Michael

Alex: “Beautiful church for a wedding.”

“Yes, it is.”

“Have you seen Asa?”


“Did you bring Luna?”

“She’s hanging up her coat.”

“It’s pouring rain out there.”

“Plenty of lightning and thunder, too.”

“Let me know if you see Asa.”


“Because he wasn’t invited.”


Asa & Luna

Luna: “Hi sir. Beautiful night for a wedding, don’t you think?”

“What are you doing here?”

“It was Michael’s idea.”

“Follow me out to my car. I want to talk to you.”

“Fine but you owe me a cigarette.”

“Hurry up! It’s fucking nasty out.”

“I’m getting soaked!”

“Shut up and get in.”

“Damn, it’s really coming down now.”

“Fuck I hate the rain.”

“I love the rain, it’s so romantic.”

“Luna, you can’t go back in.”

“Why not?”

“I have a little business to take care of.”

“I don’t like the sound of that.”

“Stay here. I’ll tell Michael where you are.”

“But wait, sir! I want to come…”

*door slam*

“...dammit. I wanted to come with him. I hate being alone.”

Friday, October 4, 2013

The Wedding

Michael and Luna

Michael:  “Luna, go get dressed. The wedding starts in an hour.”

“Why do I have to go?”

“Why do you have to question me?”

“Why do you have to answer my question with a question?”

“They’ll be serving alcohol, sweetheart.”

“Should I wear the red dress or the blue one?”

“The red one. I want to be able to pick you out of the crowd.”

“I’ll behave.”

“Yeah, right.”

“I get bored.”

“You get in trouble.”

“Cures the boredom.”


Alex and Asa

Alex: “Hey Asa. Are you going to the wedding?”

“Fuck yeah, I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I was banging that bitch a week ago. Can’t wait to watch her squirm when I walk in.”

“Oh shit! You aren’t going to start any trouble, are you?”



Michael and Luna

Michael:  “Luna, that is NOT the red dress I had in mind and your fishnet stockings are completely inappropriate.”

“Fine. I’ll go put on my white dress.”


“Why not?”

“We don’t need anyone mistaking you for the bride.”

“That would be so much fun.”


“Fine. How about my gold dress?”


“My black dress?”

“Fuck no!”

“Well god dammit! What do you want me to wear then?”

“What about your purple dress?”

“I ripped it falling out of the tree, remember?”

“Grrr. What about the pink one?”

“I burnt a hole in it.”

“Luna, that one was a gift.”

“It was also an accident.”

“Go put on your yellow dress.”

“I hate that thing!”

“I know. Let me know if you need help zipping it up.”

Thursday, October 3, 2013


Luna sat on the couch,
Asa peered over her shoulder.

She didn’t know he was there.

She carried on,
And continued to write in her journal.

In between lines,
She would balance her pen,

On the edge of her bottom lip.

It made him get off,
But she noticed him there.

And sucked on it like a cock.

Asa began to ignore her,
He started to read her words.

They weren’t for him to see.

She figured it out,
And slammed it shut.

Then hid it under her dress.

But Asa leaned down,
And fished it out.

Then turned and walked away.

Monday, September 30, 2013

Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

Got kicked out of cooking class today but it wasn’t my fault. Okay, well maybe it was but that’s beside the point, I was hungry and my muffins weren’t done yet so I liberated one from the guy next to me. It seemed like a good idea at the time but it turns out, he sucks worse in the kitchen than I do.

Out of sheer disappointment, I threw the rest of it hitting him in the back of the head. He threw one back and hit me in the forehead so I threw a couple more. He shouldn’t have ducked because I nearly nailed the teacher in the balls.

Teacher got mad so I backed up slowly and sauntered back to my own muffins. They were done by now which was awesome because I was still starving. They were hot as hell but I shoved one in anyway, probably shouldn’t do that again.

Teacher wouldn’t let me have another, he told me to fetch a flounder from the freezer. Everyone knows what happens when the teacher sends you to the walk-in freezer for something stupid. He follows you in, slams the door then bitches you out. It’s sound-proof in there.

I told the teacher that flounder wasn’t on the menu today but he didn’t care. He palmed the top of my head like a basketball and turned me in the proper direction. I didn’t need his help but we made it to the freezer in record time.

I wish he wouldn’t slam the door so hard, damn.

So I found a flounder but he didn’t want it. He told me to put it back then proceeded to yell at me for like an hour, I swear. I got tired after a while and motioned a hand job to show him how much I cared. He was not amused but it did bring about a change of subject. 

I can’t tell you what happened next, promised not to but I do plan on getting in trouble again tomorrow. It won’t be my fault, okay maybe it will but that’s okay because I think I like cooking class now… and flounder perhaps.

<3 Luna

Thursday, August 15, 2013


Alex stood nervous,
outside Luna’s door.
Curious if she was there.

He listened close,
her music played.
He raised his hand to knock.

The music stopped,
and Alex paused.
He was worried she was still mad.

He changed his mind,
and turned to leave.
Then Alex disappeared.

Luna watched,
from down the hall.
He didn’t see her there.

She wanted to stop him,
but didn’t.
Afraid that he was still mad.

Friday, August 9, 2013

Roller Derby

Alex: “Luna, what the hell are you doing?”

“I have to pee.”

“Yes, I can tell by the unfortunate hold you have on yourself. Would you please let go.”

“I seriously have to pee.”

“We’re in public, knock it off.”

“I really, really have to pee.”

“And why didn’t you think of this before you put on skates?”

“Didn’t have to go then, duh.”

“So, what are you waiting for then? Go!”

“I don’t know how to skate.”

“You what?”

“I don’t know how to skate.”

“Luna, why the hell did you drag me to a roller rink then?”

“I don’t know.”

“Let go of yourself!”

“No! Push me to the bathroom.”

“Push you? No! I don’t get paid enough to do that kind of shit.”

“Oh but I think you do, hurry please.”



“Fine. Let’s go.”

“Whoa, careful! Push slower.”

“Shut up.”

“Hey did that kid just point and laugh at me?”

“Yes he did Luna, keep moving.”

“Oh, hell no! He ain’t getting away with that.”

“Hey, I thought you had to pee!”

“Get back here you miserable little prick!”

Hey, I thought you couldn’t skate!”

“I’m going to kick his ass.”

“Luna, you are a fucking little liar!”

“Take that! You stupid little shit.”

“LUNA! I can’t believe you just tripped him!”

“I didn’t mean to.”

“No, of course not! Now where are you going?”

“Move it, I still have to pee.”

“Let go of yourself, god dammit!”

“No way!”

“I’ll give you a hundred dollars to fucking let go.”

“Okay! Sold. Pay up.”

“Don’t have to pee anymore?”

“No, not really. Pay up.”

“Luna, I don’t appreciate…”

“Pay up.”


“Thank-you sir, you’re the best! Put your skates on, okay? I’m going to take over the jukebox.  I wonder how many times this will play my favorite song over and over again. Don’t try to leave me here like you did last week at the circus, okay? I still have clown paint in places it should never grace. Anyway, I’ll be right back but I’ll be watching you sir, watching you like a hawk.”

“Luna, watch where you’re going.”


“Fucking hell.”

“Stupid pole.”

Wednesday, July 31, 2013


Alex: “Luna, where have you been?”


“Why is your purse wet?”

“I’m not sure!”

“Where are the keys to my car?”

“I don’t know.”

“Why does your hair look like you’ve been out for a joyride?”

“It does?”

“I spent the afternoon listening to the police scanner, Luna.”

“Oh really?”

“Someone kept them awfully busy and for quite some time.”

“Huh, weird. So did they catch the guy?”

“No Luna, it would appear that they did not.”

“Bummer. Sounds entertaining!”

“Oh, it was.”

“What an apple? So, exactly what kind of mischief did this person cause?”

“Well for starters, she held up a fruit stand with a leaky squirt-gun and no, I do not want an apple.”


“Yes, she. They weren’t fooled by the fake mustache.”

“Hahaha! Funny.”

“Hand over my keys.”

“I told you already, I don’t have them.”

“What the hell where you thinking, when you come to a complete stop on the freeway?”

“I had to let out that homeless guy.”


“He said something about getting car sick.”

“From doing donuts in the park, perhaps?”

“It wasn’t me.”

“It was you.”

“I was just teasing sir, I would never take your car out for a joyride, ever.”

“There’s a bug stuck to your forehead.”

“Ew! There is not.”

“That’s what happens when you stick your head out of a fast moving car.”

“I just wanted to tell that dick in front of me to move it.”


“It wasn’t me.”

“You have another bug stuck on your cheek.”

“Gross! You’re just trying to make me confess.”

 “Smile, I bet there’s a few in your teeth.”


“Sure enough, there they are.”

“EW EW EW! I need a mirror.”

“Get back here. You’re not going anywhere until I get my keys.”

“Let go!”


“But I already told you I didn’t…”


“Dammit! Fine. Here are your stupid keys. Now let go.”

“Not a chance.”

“Hey! That’s not fair.”

“I can’t believe you managed to elude the police, Luna. What the hell did you do with the plates to my car?”

“I put them on Asa’s car, why?”

“My car was reported stolen.”


“Go wash your face Luna, I’m going to listen to the scanner some more.”

Sunday, July 21, 2013



“Hi Anthony. How are you today? …My non-social, muted guard. I still don’t understand why they hired you. Least you could do is talk to me.

That’s a very lovely black shirt you have on there, Anthony. It matches your black pants, black shoes and black jacket. It kind of reminds of what you wore yesterday… a black shirt, black pants, black shoes and matching jacket. Weird.

I’d like to see you in something I don’t know, not black. I’d like to see you in blue jeans! Well, I’d like to see you in nothing at all but lucky for you, I would never say such an inappropriate thing. I'm classy like that., always taking the high road.

Oh, and speaking of classy... Do you like my new stilettos? Check out the cleats on the bottom. I made them myself. As soon as I get them strapped on, I want to go show them to Asa.

I know he probably told you not to tell me where he is but I want you to lead the way. Think you can handle it?

Okay I’m ready to go.

Let’s go.

I said let’s go!

Take me to Asa, god dammit!

Listen, you’re new around here Anthony but let me fill you in on something you’ll soon learn.  I make the rules around here, so just do yourself a fucking favor and take me to Asa.

Anthony, if you don’t take me to Asa right now, I’m going to stomp on your foot with my new shoes. What do you think of that, bitch!

Asa:     “ANTHONY! Whoa hey buddy! Put the girl down! Put Luna down... there you go... release the headlock…easy, easy. Perfect. Luna what the hell is going on here?”

Luna: “Hi Asa. Do you remember last night when you told me I was a mouthy spoiled rotten brat that would never amount to anything, doesn’t know when to shut up and can’t control her temper?”

Asa: “Yeah, so what?”


Wednesday, July 17, 2013


Alex:  “Why are you walking through the house with a shovel, Luna?”

“No reason.”

“Now what are you doing with a ladder?”


“Alright. Get back here with that chainsaw, Luna.”

“This one?”

“Yes that one. What exactly are you doing?”

 “I’m helping with the landscape.”

“Oh really. And what does the landscape crew think of that?”

“I don’t think they like it.”

“I don’t imagine they do. Give me the chainsaw.”

“I’m not done with it.”

“I think you are.”

“But it’s the only way I know how to get that branch off your car.”


“Just kidding! Hahaha.”

“Dammit Luna. Just stay inside while they’re here.”

“Fine. I’m gonna go make 'em lemonade.”

“Non-alcoholic this time, Luna.”


Monday, July 8, 2013

At the Museum

“Asa! Holy shit, what are you doing here?”

“What the hell are YOU doing here Luna, we had plans!”

“Don’t let Alex see you.”

“Fuck him. Let’s go.”


“Excuse me?”

“I don’t want to cause any trouble.”

“Luna, I’m going to hold out my hand and you’re going to take it. Then, we’re going to walk out of here unnoticed. Do it.”


“Take my fucking hand!”


“I said, take it!”

“Ouch! Let go, you’re squeezing it too tight!”

Alex: “Let go of her, Asa.”

“Fuck you, Alex.”

“Let go of her. People are starting to stare.”

“Fuck I hate you, Alex.”

“I don’t fucking care.”

“Fucking god dammit! Fine, you twat. I’m out of here but first I have to tell Luna a secret. Come here, babe.”

“No, I don’t want to hear a secret.”

“I said come here!”

Asa grabbed Luna by the arm. He leaned in to tell her a secret then bit her ear instead. She knew it was coming, he’d done it before. She tried not to make a scene. He turned and left as everyone watched.

Luna had some explaining to do.

Friday, June 28, 2013

Less Dangerous

Alex: "Good morning, young lady. Where are you headed?"

"Um, out to get the paper."

"And you need a purse for that?"

"I don't like to go anywhere without it."

"I'm not sure where you were headed but forget about it."

"Dammit! Why the hell are you here on a Saturday anyway?"

"You don't remember?"

"Remember what."

"You came to my office yesterday, complaining you were bored."


"You begged me to take you to the museum."

"It is a very pretty place."

"You said if I took you there, you'd do anything I wanted in return... anything."


"Well, congratulations Luna! I decided to take you up on your offer. Go get changed because you're not wearing that to the museum."


"Don't thank me now, just go."

"Can I still go get the paper?"

"Fuck no."

"Grrrr. Fine, I guess I'll go change."

"Here Luna, you forgot your purse."

Wednesday, June 26, 2013


Luna: “I want to go the docks.”

Asa: “No.”

“It’s pretty down there.”

“It’s also dangerous.”

“I don’t mind.”

“That’s part of the problem.”

“Sneak me out of here! I’m bored.”


“I’ll do anything you want... anything.”

“Are you serious?”


“You’ve lost your fucking mind.”

“I’m fucking bored, sir.”

“And I’m really fucking creative, Luna.”

“I can take it. I’ve seen you at your worst.”

“I guarantee, that you have not.”

“Oh, come on! I want to have some fun.”

“Only one of us will be having much fun.”

“So, do we have a deal?”

“Tell you what, babe. You sleep on it. Come back to me in the morning and if you still want to go, I’ll take you.”

“I’m not going to change my mind.”

“Good. I’ll be disappointed if you do.”