Monday, January 27, 2014



“Luna! Where the hell are you going?”


“What’s in your bag? It’s so heavy you can barely stand.”


“Bring it here. Good lord. What are you doing with all these power tools?”

“I’m using them to fix things, you know… things that need fixin’.”

“I don’t like the sounds of this.”

“Well, I wanted to keep it a surprise.”

“Oh, I bet you did. Go put them back where you found them.”


“Luna, you’re going the wrong way.”




“Luna! What are you doing?”

“I just installed a peephole in your door!”

“You just drilled a hole through my door and that’s it.”

“I know! You’re welcome.”

“Where are you going now?”

“Off to drill a couple for Asa.”

“Carry on then.”



“I thought I told you to put those tools away.”

“I’m headed there right now, promise.”

“Luna, what have you been up to all this time?”

“I installed a peephole in everyone’s door!”

“Everyone’s door?”


“About four and a half feet up?”

“Of course!”


“Okay well if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go put these tools away now.”


"Yes sir?"

"You’re going the wrong way.”

Thursday, January 16, 2014



“Listen up Anthony, we got a problem.”

“What is it, boss?”

“I got a guy that owes me a bit of money.”

“That’s unfortunate. What do you plan to do about it?”

“Blow up his house.”

“Hehehe. Damn, boss.”

“First I’m going to ransack it though. You know, recoup a little of my investment.”

“Completely understandable.”

“Then BOOM!”

“I love it when a plan comes together.”

“LUNA! What the hell are you doing here?”

“I let myself in, thank-you.”

“How long have you been standing there?”

“Not long but promise me if you decide to blow up someone’s house, you’ll let their pets out first.”


“You know, after the ransacking and before the bomb goes off. If there are any pets, promise me you’ll let them out!”

“Luna, I was just kidding. I ain’t going to blow up anything.”

“Liar. Can I come with?”

“What? Fuck no.”

“I’m very good at stealing things.”

“You’re good at getting caught.”

“You seriously have no idea how many times I haven’t been caught.”

*dirty look*

“Trust me, I’m pretty good.”

“Anthony, we’ll have to come up with another plan.”

“Because of me?”

“Yes, Luna because of you. Now get out of here!”

“Wait, you could always take him out fishing then shoot him in the head and then stuff him in a crab pot and toss him in the water!”

“Luna, go.”

“Too much? Okay well maybe you could string him up a flagpole and fly him naked in front of city hall!”

“Go, go, go!”

“Stop being pushy. You know, you could lock him in a room with me! I could drive him crazy.”

“I don’t refute that but something tells me you’d just end up down his pants.”

“Wait, is he cute? Oh, this changes everything.”

“Goodbye, Luna!”

*door slam*

“You know I can still talk to you even though you’ve slammed the door in my face! …Hello! …Hello? Fine, guess I’ll go for a drive since I was in there long enough to steal a set of keys, a lighter, a pack of cigarettes and a wallet. God, I love it when a plan comes together.”

Saturday, January 11, 2014

School Daze


“Luna, what are you doing in my face?”

“I love the way you smell.”

“You’re making it hard for me to drink.”

“God, I love the way you smell when you drink.”

“Good, then let me. Will you?”

“Just one more whiff.”

“Luna, you know what happens when you press your tits against me for too long.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“I would and you know it.”

“You’re bluffing.”

“You have til the count of three.”

“HEY! You didn’t even start counting!”

“Hehehe. You like that don’t you, Luna.”

“Oh my god! People are staring.”

“Fuck, I wonder why.”

“Gosh, you’re going to get me into trouble… again.”

“I warned you.”

Alex: “LUNA!”


“Wake up! You’re dreaming in class... again. Let go of yourself and wipe the slobber off your book, please.”

Princess and the Pea


"Luna, what’s troubling you?"


"Quit stabbing at your vegetables then."

"I’m not hungry."

"It’s not their fault."

"I don’t like peas."

"What are you talking about? You love peas."

"Not today. Today I hate peas. Today I declare war on peas. Peas shall quake in my presence. Peas shall fear me and today, peas shall fly."

"Young lady, if you are loading up that spoon with the intent to launch your food, let me forewarn you such action will result in a myriad of consequences including but not limited to..."

Luna: *launches peas*

Thursday, January 2, 2014


“Luna, why are you still running around in a bathrobe?”

“I can’t find anything to wear.”

“Well you may want to cinch it up a bit.”


“Because you’re falling out of it.”


“That was hardly an accident.”

“Errant boobs.”

“Go change.”

“Hey, check out my pretty toenails!”

“Put your foot down and stop flashing me for god sakes!”

“I’m not trying to flash you. If I were, it would look like this.”

“OKAY! That’s enough of that.”

“Don’t you like what you see?”

“Close your robe, Luna.”

“I will, as soon as you quit staring.”

“I’ll stare forever if I want to, young lady.”


“Christ. Pick your robe up and go get dressed. You’re going to make us late.”

“Where are we going?”

“I can’t talk to you while you’re standing here naked.”

“Hey, what are you doing?”

“Putting your robe back on for you.”

“That is NOT how this garment is typically worn.”

“I don’t care. It’s covering all the vital parts again, hold still.”

“Don’t make it so tight!”

“We don’t need it slipping off again.”

“Will you at least let me have my arms back?”

“Ask Michael to help you, he’s been standing in the doorway watching this whole time.”


Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Friendly Fire

Alex:  “Crazy party. Have you seen Luna?”

Asa:  “She’s over there, going through some chic’s purse.”

 “Ah right, so she is. Aren’t you going to stop her?”

 “No. She’s probably looking for a cigarette. Sick of her stealing mine.”

 “Oh fantastic, she found one. That’s disgusting.”

 “Relax, you pussy.”

 “Fuck off!”

 “Get out of my way, you’re blocking my view. Where did she go?”

 “You relax! She’s over there, talking to some guy.”

 “No way… I told every mother fucker in this place to leave her alone.”

 “That explains why he ran off.”

 “Hahaha! Luna looks confused.”

 “You’re such an asshole."

“That’s not true, I’m a good guy. I got nothing but Luna's best interest at heart.
It's how I keep her from getting into trouble that’s all.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go light her cigarette.”