Thursday, April 30, 2015

Music Box Dancer

Alex to Asa: 

“Where’s Luna?”

“Michael locked her in her room.”

“Uh-oh. Why?”

“For chasing down an ice cream truck.”

“That’s nothing new.”

“With a hammer.”

“Oh dear.”

“Apparently, she didn’t like the song that was playing.”


“She took care of it though.”

“I bet she did.”

“That’s not all.”

“Oh god. What else?”

“She took it for a spin.”

“She what!”

“Then brought it back here.”

“Where the fuck did she park it?”

“In the garage.”


“The doors were still down but she got it in the garage.”

“Are you serious?”


“I bet Michael is so pissed.”

“I can hear him nailing her door shut, as we speak.”

“Hey, well at least he got his hammer back.”

Monday, April 13, 2015

Extra Sharp

Alex:  Luna, what are you doing?

Luna:  Cutting off a slice of cheese.

Alex:  Why are you using a butter knife?

Luna:  Because papa hid all the other ones.

Alex:  Can’t blame him for that. Here, let me help you.

Luna:  No. I can do it.

Alex:  Come on, you’re scaring me.

Luna:  I got this!

Alex:  I don’t think you do.

Luna:  Check it out, it’s almost working…

Alex:  Great. Now it’s on the floor.

Luna:  Dammit.

Alex:  Now what are you going to do?

Luna:  Eat the whole thing.

Alex:  Please don’t take a bite out of the block.

Luna:  *does anyway*

Alex:  Luna, that’s terrible. Where are your manners?

Luna:  Next to the really sharp knives somewhere.

Alex:  Well, bon appetit little mouse because I’m taking the butter knives too.

Hell's Angel

Michael:  Asa, did you teach Luna how to ride a motorcycle?

Asa: Maybe.

Michael:  Did you tell her to drive over to Alex’s place?

Asa:  It's possible.

Michael:  And to park it inside?

Asa:  My memory is a little fuzzy there.

Michael:  She said you told her to rev it up so loud it breaks the fucking windows.

Asa:  I totally remember that.

Michael:  Dammit Asa! You owe me for some fucking windows.

Asa:  Hahaha! Nice.

Michael:  You know she’s probably headed back over to your place, you asshole.

Asa:  Shit. I got to go.

Thursday, April 9, 2015

Baked Begonias


“Luna, where are you going with all those flowers?”

“To the kitchen.”

“Please don’t put them in the oven again, okay?”

“Why not?”


“I won’t turn them on broil again.”


“And I won’t forget about them again this time, either.”


“Dammit! You’re no fun.”

“Go back outside.”

“Well at least let me put them in a vase.”


“So I can put them on a burner.”

“Luna, get out!”

“Dammit! Fine.”

Saturday, April 4, 2015

Basket Case

Asa to Alex:

“What the fuck are you watching?”

“The news.”

“Give me the remote. That shit is stupid.”


“Whoa, wait. Is that Luna?”

“Oh my god. I think it is.”

“What the hell is she doing at an Easter egg hunt?”

“I think she’s dressed as a bunny!”

“Yeah but not the Easter bunny.”

“Oh my god.”

“I bought her that outfit.”

“You idiot, go pick her up!”

“Why me?”

“Because you bought her that, you asshole.”

“Fair enough… and my pleasure.”