Saturday, December 28, 2013

Aye Papa

“The boys are speaking Spanish again.
Hate it when they do that.
Actually, it’s sexy as hell but I want to know what they’re saying.
Asa sounds pissed.
Hope he’s not mad at me.
Shit! I just heard my name.
Great, now Alex is mad too.
I have a feeling I’m in deep shit.
Wonder what for...
Could be a plethora of things, really.
Wish I could sneak out of here.
Can’t a girl rummage through a few coats in private anymore?
Uh-oh. Heard my name again.
I’m so fucked.
Wonder if Alex finally noticed the dent in his car.
Wonder if he thought it was Asa.
I wonder if…
Holy shit. Preparing to run in three, two…”

Asa:  “Hello Luna, missing something?”

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Bird Brain


“Luna, what do you have in your hands?”

“A bird.”

“Why are you carrying it around the house?”

“For fun.”

“Take it back outside before it gets away.”


“Did you just put it in your mouth?”


“What the fuck did you do that for? Don’t answer that. 
Just go set it free, will you?

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Bad Santa


“So Luna, have you been a good girl for Santa this year?”

“Fuck no and why would you even ask.”

“He left you a present.”

“Ooh, give it to me!”

“Wait a minute. It doesn’t sound like you deserve it.”

“Well that wasn’t very nice. It sounds like Santa wanted me to have it or he wouldn’t have given it to you to give to me. So, hand it over.”

“Hey, maybe it’s for me! I just assumed it was for you since it was addressed to my little angel. I didn’t think Santa would be so mushy with me but I guess it’s possible.”

“It’s not for you. Give it here.”

“No. You’re being a brat.”

“Fine then I’ll go back to singing x-mas carols.”

“X-mas carols indeed. Take your present.”

“Oh yay! For me? You shouldn’t have.”

“I didn’t, trust me.”

“Oh look, earrings!”

“Nipple clips.”


“Nothing. Try them on, Luna.”

“Ow! These earrings aren’t very nice.”

“I think it’s safe to say Santa bought those for you.”

“I take it I’m expected to wear these to the dinner party tonight?”

“Absolutely not!”

“Good, I’m not sure what Santa was thinking.”

"Me neither and that is the last time I offer to deliver a present."

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Mission Accomplished

Alex:  “What the hell did you say that for?”

Luna:  “I’m sorry.”

“No, you get back here. Sorry doesn’t cut it this time.”

“I didn’t mean it!”

“Then you shouldn’t have said it.”

“I take it back.”

“Too late.”


“Explanation yourself.”

“You don't have to be so rough.”

“I barely have a hold of you. Answer me.”

“I said it to get a reaction, I suppose.”

“Mission accomplished.”


"I am not hurting you."

"You're scaring me."

“You wanted a reaction and you got one. I'm angry now. Are you happy?”



“I told you I didn’t mean it.”

“Words are powerful things, Luna. They’re weapons and you know it. I put up with a lot of bullshit from you but this time you've gone too far. You should have thought twice before telling me…”

Michael: “What's going on in here?”

Alex: “Nothing. I was just leaving.”

Saturday, December 14, 2013


“Luna, you look cold
Come here
That’s right
Climb inside my jacket
The wind has picked up
And put a chill in the air
Are you getting warmer?
I can feel your hands
Little lady
They’re frozen
We’ll go home soon
I just want to stay
A little bit longer
The stars are amazing tonight
And the moon is so bright
It stands out like you do
My dear
In a room full of pinpricks
Come on
Don’t fall asleep Luna
Look at the sky
There’s a star just waiting
To fall for you.
Did you see it?
A falling star!
You saw it didn’t you?
What are the odds
Okay well
I guess we can go now
Sorry if you’re cold
What’s that?
You want to stay?
Alright then
But just a little bit longer
What are you doing
Hey hey hey
Let go of my belt!
Knock that off
Knock it off, Luna
Or I’ll take you straight home 
I’m not kidding
God you’re persistent
Go get in the car
And thanks a lot
For the hard-on
God dammit.”

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Baby It's Cold Outside


“Luna, what are you doing?”

“I’m bored.”

“I can tell. Stop playing with my hair.”

“Do you think those Christmas carolers will ever come back?”

“Probably not and that was embarrassing.”

“I was just dancing, the only way I know how.”

“You put the ‘ass’ in holiday classics.”

“Let’s go caroling!”

“No way.”

“…I really should go…”

“Please, don’t start singing.”

“…I really can’t stay…”

“Just be quiet and sit down.”

“…This evening has been…”

“Not on my lap!”

“…So very nice…”


“…Michael will start to worry…”

“Speaking of him, he’ll be home at any moment.”

“…Asa will be pacing the floor…”

“Fuck that asshole.”

“…So really I’d better scurry…”

“At least get off my lap.”

“…But maybe just a half a drink more…”

“That is the last thing you need.”

“…I ought to say no, no, no sir....”

“That would be a first.”

“…At least I’m gonna say that I tried…”


“…I really can’t stay…”

“Good then get off my lap.”

“…But it’s cold outside!”

Michael: “Luna, get off his lap.”

“Yes sir.”