Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Bad Kitty


“Hey Alex! Have you noticed anything… suspicious?”

“No, just walking home through the park. Why?”

“Um, Luna is on the loose.”

“This late at night? That’s not good.”

“No it’s not and there’s more.”

“Do tell.”

“Well, see Asa thought it would be funny to buy her a cat woman suit.”

“A what?”

“Dude, it so god damn hot...”

“He bought her a cat woman suit? …Hello? ….Hey Jordon, I’m talking to you!”

“Oh, yeah sorry… anyway, she blurted out something about being a cat burglar, swiped his bottle of vodka and ran out the door.”

“You make a lousy guard, Jordon.”

“Hey! I had her by the tail at one point in time but she bit me.”

“Is that her rubbing up against a tree over there?”

“What tree, where?”

“Over there, you idiot.”


“Too late, she’s scurried off again.”

“Fuck, I’ve been chasing her for hours. Did you see where she went? …Hey Alex, Did you see where she went? …Hey dude, I’m talking to you!”

“Oh yeah, sorry… damn, she does look hot… anyway, she went that way. I’ll help you find her.”

“Thanks, I don’t want to get bit again.”

“Isn’t Michael on his way home tonight?”

“Yes and that’s why Asa is so pissed. If I don’t find her, I’m dead.”



“She just ran back in the house, I swear that was her.”

“Good! It’ll be easier to find her in there.”

“Looks like we can just follow this gratuitous trail of vodka.”

“That bitch. I bet she’s spilling it on purpose.”

“You think?”

“Looks like she went this way...”

“I just heard a noise.”

“Oh my god. Michael’s home. I’m so fucking screwed.”

“I’m out of here. I don’t want to get in any trouble. Good luck, you moron.”


“Stop right there Alex. What the hell are you doing here? What the hell is all over the floor? Jordon, I think there’s a cat in here somewhere, find it and kick it out. Where is Luna? …I said where is Luna? …Hey Jordon, I’m talking to you!”

Luna: “Hi sir! I’m right here. I missed you!”

“Ah, there’s my sweet little princess! That’s a lovely pink dress you have on. I take it you’ve been a very good girl.”

“Of course I have! I’m always a good girl when you’re away.”

“Honey I’d like to believe you, I really would… but you forgot to take off your whiskers.”

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Maid Service


“Luna, come here. I bought you something!”

“A present? For me?  Yay!”

“Pretty sure you’ll get the message I’m looking to send.”

“Oh I can’t wait to see what it is! Well that’s weird …It’s a maid’s outfit... Look sir, I don’t know what kind of message you’re trying to send but I am NOT going to start cleaning up around here.

“I don’t think you don’t understand, Luna”

“Oh I understand perfectly well! You think I’ve been a slob lately and you want to teach me a lesson. Fine, I’ll be a little neater okay? I get the message.”

“Luna, that’s not why I bought it. Now, try it on.”



“Okay, I’ll try it on but it looks a little small. Don’t you think?”

“Here, let me help you.”

“I still don’t understand why in the world you would buy me something like this but there, it’s on. Do you like it?”

“Turn around… Yes, I do!”

“Hey, there’s something else in the box! It’s a feather duster. A feather duster? Oh my god you lied to me! You really DO want me to start cleaning! Well, that’s just stupid. I don’t WANT to start cleaning! We have servants that do that!”

“Luna they are staff, not your servants! I ought to make you dust the living room for that comment, dressed exactly as you are.”




“Luna, don’t tell me you’ve never seen a french maids outfit before.”

“Well okay, maybe I have.”

“So you know why I bought it then.”

“Yes, I do.”

“So you’re just being a pain in the ass.”



“Oh come one sir, you like it when I’m a pain in the ass. So, are you going to take me somewhere so we can get a little kinky?”

“Yes I am Luna, right after you go dust the living room… and don’t mind the servants, I mean the staff.”

Tuesday, January 8, 2013


Asa: “Luna?”

“Go away!”

“Open up the door, Luna.”


“Open up the god damn door or I’m going to kick it in, bitch!”

“Just listen to me, okay? I didn’t mean to…”



“Fine, you asked for it.”

“Wait, I can explain!”

“You’ve got three seconds to back up from the fucking door.”

“What happened wasn’t my…”

“God dammit.”


“Hi sir. Don’t hurt me, okay?”

“Come here.”

“Leave me alone.”

“Get over here, you little bitch.”


“Fine, you just keep backing up until that ass of yours hits the wall.”

“I’ll scream if you touch me... I swear, I will.”

“Please do Luna, it’ll make what I’m about to do to you even more enjoyable.”

“Please don’t touch me, okay?”

“Scream for me Luna, scream...”

Sunday, January 6, 2013


Luna to Michael:

“Sir, why don’t you ever say you’re sorry?”

“It’s a sign of weakness, my darling.”

“But what if you made some one really mad?”

“I still wouldn't say it.”

“Why not?”

“It’s a sign of weakness.”

“What if you didn't want them to be mad at you anymore?”

“People get over things.”

“Not all people, some people stay mad at you and think that you’re a dick.”

“Luna that was rude, say you’re sorry.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Good girl, now be quiet.”

"Yes sir."

Saturday, January 5, 2013



“Luna, how did you get that bruise on your arm?”

“Don’t remember, it’s no big deal.”

“Well it’s a big deal to me, so think about it and tell me where  it came from.”

“It’s just a stupid bruise and I don’t remember, sorry!”

“Looks to me like you were man-handled, Luna.”


“Who was it?”



“I kicked one of his guards in the balls.”

“You what?”


“Jesus, Luna. What the fuck for?”

“He dared me to.”

“That was stupid. Why did he do that?”

“The guard said, Luna if you don’t give me that god damn staple gun I’m going to take it away from you and I said if you try, I’m going to kick you in the balls and he said I dare you, so I did.”

“What an idiot.”

“That’s what I thought but Asa still got mad at me and wanted the staple gun back.”

“Tell me you gave it to him.”

“I stapled his papers to his desk.”

“I bet that went over well.”

“He took it away and stapled my dress to the wall.”

“What am I going to do with you.”

“Buy me a staple gun?”



Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Alex's Place

 *knock knock knock*

“Hello Luna.”

“Hi Alex!”

“What do you need?”

“I need a place to hide.”

“From who?”


“Luna, you’re going to get me in trouble.”

“Promise not to tell.”

“Get in here. What did you do now?”

“Nothing, he’s just overreacting.”

“Give me your coat.”

“No thanks, I’m going to leave it on just in case he catches up to…”

*knock knock knock*

“Oh shit! That’s probably him, you got to hide me!”

“Luna, he’s my boss and I really don’t want to get involved.”

“It’s okay, he’ll never look for me in here…”

“Hey that’s my fucking bedroom!”

*knock knock knock*

“I’d answer that if I were you.”

“You better stay out of my shit, young lady!”

*knock knock…*

“Hey Michael! What’s up?”

“Where is she.”

“She’s around here somewhere.”

“She better not be in your bedroom.”

“That would be totally inappropriate of her.”

“I’d quit stalling if I were you.”

“Why, what did she do this time?”

“She lit my bedroom on fire.”