Monday, June 30, 2014

Morning, Sunshine


“Put some clothes on we got to go.”


“Just do it!”

“Fine, hand me my shirt then.”

“Get it yourself.”

“You’re sitting on it, asshole.”

“Watch your mouth!”

“Are you going to give it to me or not.”

“Fuck. Here you go, you little bitch.”

“Hey, you ripped it!”

“Shut up and put it on.”

“How am I supposed to…”

“I said, put it on!”

“Okay, okay! It’s on already.”

“Now grab your purse and go sit in the car.”


“And take this gun with you.”


“And point it at anyone that tries to talk to you.”

“I don’t want to go to the car.”


“God dammit! Fine. But you owe me a new shirt, you fucking…”

“Don’t say it, Luna.”


“That's right, you better run! Mouthy bitch, pretending like I won't catch up.”

Tuesday, June 24, 2014



“Where the fuck is Luna?
I hate it when she runs off.
There she is, getting man-handled.
Where’s my gun.
I’ll probably get in trouble for this but I don’t care.
Direct hit.
Someone grab Luna and let’s go.
Fuck yeah.
Stupid mother fucker.”

Saturday, June 21, 2014

Yoo Hoo!


“Hold on there, Luna! Where are you off to so fast?”

“You got to let me go. Asa’s chasing me.”

“Uh-oh. What did you do now?”

“Can’t talk, got to run!”

“Hello Asa.”

“Where is she?”

“She went that way.”


“Okay, she went that way then.”

“You’re no fucking help.”


“Yoo hoo! Asa, I’m over here.”

“Come here you little bitch!”

“Oh, for christ’s sake. Why do I even bother.”

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Wood Shop


“Mister Hansen!
I’d like you to meet Luna.
She’s going to be in your woodworking class this year.
And I’d like to go over a few rules just for her.
First of all, don’t let her use any saws.
Only glue but not the super kind.
No power tools,
Especially if they shoot things.
And no sand paper,
Don’t ask.
No welding or anything else that involves a torch.
And no paint unless you want your office redone.
She’s short but don’t underestimate her reach,
She’ll have your shirt unbuttoned in no time.
That wasn’t a figure of speech.
I expect her to wear a hardhat and safety glasses, 
At all times.
You know maybe the whole class should wear them.
All the time.
Say hi to Mr. Hansen, Luna.
With all five fingers.
That’s better.
Well good luck, sir!
I guess we’ll see you around.”

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Garden Party


“Pretty afternoon for a party.
Wonder where Luna is.
Caught a glimpse of her back at the house, 
Dancing around in her sundress.
Pretty girl.
There she is, down by the fountain.
Playing in the water.
I should go tell her to stop.
On second thought, 
She’d probably get me wet.
I’ll whistle instead,
And get her to come over here.
Well, that didn’t work.
Everyone looked over but her.
Lost in her own little world.
Who’s this guy,
That’s brought her a pretty flower.
I should go punch him in the face.
I should get a grip!
What’s wrong with me.
Can’t help it.
That girl brings out the worst in me, sometimes.
Look, she’s smiling.
And she took his stupid flower.
I have to break this up.
Wait a minute, 
Asa’s beat me to it.
This ought to be good.
Well, he didn’t have to steal her flower.
Or throw it on the ground.
Uh-oh, he stomped on it.
That won’t go over well.
Oh, Luna don’t you dare…
I knew someone was going to get wet.
Run Luna, run!
Such a pretty day for a party.”

Friday, June 6, 2014

Officer Johnson


“Hi sexy, what’s your name?”

“Officer Johnson.”

“That’s an adorable name! I’d tell you mine but I forgot it.”

“Ma‘am, have you been drinking?”

“Hell yes! Alcohol and lots of it.”

“I hope you have a ride home.”

“I’d love a ride home, thank-you!”

“Ma’am, I don’t think you...” 

“Just show me your car.”

“It’s that one.”

“Ooooh fancy! I’ve been in one of these before…”

“Not surprised.”

“…and I liked it!”

“Oh god. Where’s my partner?”

“You’re gay? I love gay people! So, which one is he?”

“Ma’am, I don’t think you…”

“Don’t be shy, point him out.”

“That’s him.”

“Holy shit, he’s gorgeous!”

“Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to…”

“Say no more. I’ll take my hand off your ass.”


“It’s the handcuffs, they turn me on.”

“Can I have them back?”

“I suppose. If you can catch me!”

“Ma’am, wait! …Oh never mind, just keep them.”

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Bite Me

Asa to Luna:

“Hey, baby. Come here and sit on my lap.”

“But Michael’s in the other room.”

“You chicken?”


“That’s better.”

“What do you want, Asa.”

“A handful of this...”

“Fuck, your hands are cold.”

“Not any longer.”

“He’s coming, let me up.”


“Come on, let me go!”


“Fuck, I hate it when you do this.”

“Ouch, you little bitch!”

“Hello papa! I missed you.”