Escapee

Michael:

“Excuse me, Ma’am? Have you seen a young girl pass by? She’s short with long dark hair, wearing a black dress with…

She went that way? Thank-you.

Pardon me, Sir? Have you seen a young girl running around? She’s short with long dark hair, wearing a black dress with red boots…

She went in there? Are you kidding me? Fuck. If you’ll excuse me.

Hello there. It seems I would like a ticket to whatever is playing in this theatre. Thank-you. So what is playing tonight?

Great, judging by the look on your face I don’t even want to know.

Usher, excuse me but have you seen a young girl come through? She’s short with long black hair, wearing a black dress, red boots and a spiky leather collar.

Never mind, I see her. She’s climbing on stage and it appears I’ve bought a ticket to a male strip show. Excuse me.

Whoa lady! Hey, don’t be grabbing me there! Jesus, I got to get out of here, these chicks are crazy.

Damn. Guess I’ll just wait outside by the back door. They should be kicking her out at any...”

“Hi, sir!"

“Hello, Luna.”

Check Mate

Alex:  “Luna, this game is taking forever. Go, it’s your turn.”

“Fine.”

“That was a weird play.”

“I like to move the horse.”

“I’ve noticed.”

“It’s your turn. You’re holding up the game, sir.”

“Smart ass. Okay, there.”

“My turn!”

“That’s not a legal move, Luna.”

“There?”

“No.”

“What about there?”

“That’ll be just fine. My turn then.”

“Hey, you took my horse! You can’t take my horse, give it back!”

“That’s how the game works, Luna. I thought you knew how to play.”

“Take my stupid queen instead.”

“I don’t…”

“Switch me! I don’t like her and I want her off the damn board.”

“Is that why you’ve got her face down in the corner?”

“Yes. She’s crazy and I must keep her far, far away from the king who I plan to marry.”

“What?”

“Switch me.”

*sigh*

“Thank-you.”

“I think it’s time for lunch.”

“Are you forfeiting?”

“Yes, I guess I am.”

“Yippee, I won! I’m so smart and talented and pretty and wonderful and…”

“Shut up and help me put everything away.”

“Fine.”

“Hey, I saw that.”

“What?”

“You just put the queen in your pocket.”

“Did not!”

“Put it back.”

“Stupid queen, fine. I might have to let you go for now lady but one day, I will find you and strap you down and saw off your little...”

“Put it back!”

“Okay fine! ...here.”

“Thank-you.”

Critics

Asa:  “Luna, what are you listening to? That’s awful, turn it off.”

“It’s classical music and this song is almost over.”

“I don’t care. Turn it off, now.”

“Thirty more seconds.”

“No more seconds!”

“Hey, give that back!”

“You had your chance.”

“Where are you taking it?”

“Back off.”

“Hey! What the fuck did you throw it out the window for?”

“Hehehe, that was fun.”

“It’s raining and you probably ruined it!”

“Where are you going, brat?”

“To go get it, thanks a lot. Asshole.”

“Get back here!”

“No, let go.”

“Stop fighting me.”

“No. Let go!”

“You’re mine now, you little bitch and you know what that means...”

Michael:  “What the fuck is going on in here?”

Asa:  “It’s Luna, she’s throwing a tantrum as well as her things out the window. I’m just trying to calm her down.”

Luna:  “Liar!”

“Luna calm down. Asa, let her go.”

“Yay! Finally. Now I can go get my stupid stereo.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I said so.”

“That’s a stupid reason.”

“Because you’re mine and I make the rules around here. Don’t you forget it, young lady.”

Alex:  “Hello, um someone lost a stereo. Nearly hit me with it as I was coming up to the house and judging by the cd inside, this doesn’t belong to Asa.”

Luna:  “I did NOT throw my damn stereo out the window! Now give it back.”

Alex:  “No.”

“Why not.”

“Because you stole my cd.”

“Did not.”

“Did so.”

“Well if I did, then it must be mine so hand it over.”

“I've officially stolen it back.”

“God dammit, fine. But I really liked that cd.”

“You did?”

“Yes.”

“Really?”

“Yes!”

“Well, I guess I can let you borrow it a bit longer.”

“Why can’t I just have it?”

“Because it’s mine, Luna.”

“Fine but I think I might need a new stereo.”

Alex:  “Don’t look at me!”

“Okay then. Asa, I need a new...”

Asa:  “No fucking way.”

“Um sir, I think I need a new stereo.”

Michael:  “Luna?”

“Yes sir?”

“Why don’t you try playing the one you have?”

“Well what do you know, it works.”

Michael:  “God damn, Luna. I’m happy for you but that’s an awful song, turn it off.”

“Wait! It’s almost over.”

“Now!"

“Okay fine, sheesh.”

Monday

Asa:  

“Luna, where is my secretary?”

“I dunno.”

“Liar.”

“She’s out on an errand.”

“You sent my secretary out on an errand?”

“There’s only room for one of us here.”

“Luna, I need my secretary. Go find her, I’ll be in my fucking office.”

*door slam*

“Whatever.”

*phone rings*

Luna:  “Hello! You have reached Asa’s office. He is currently unavailable, especially if you’re a lady. Please leave a message after the beep or not… um beep.”

Asa:  “Did you just answer my phone?”

“Of course not.”

“God dammit! Where the hell is my secretary?”

“I’m your secretary now, no sense in trying to fight it.”

“I’m only going to say this one more time, female. Get my fucking secretary back here or your ass is mine.”

*door slam*

“Whatever.”

*phone rings*

Luna:  (breathes hard, moans and hangs up)

Asa:  “GOD DAMMIT! That’s it, come here you little bitch.”

Luna:  “Oh, well look whose back! It’s your secretary. Hi there sweetheart, thank-you for the latte. Sorry about the blizzard outside. You don’t look so bad considering the walk. Asa wants to talk to you but I’ll warn you, he’s a little cranky this morning. Anyway, I’ll just leave you two alone to discuss how I got in here and how to prevent it from happening in the future. Bye-bye!”

*door slam*

Halloween Party

Alex: “Luna? Is that you?”

“Yup! Hi sir.”

“That’s one hell of a costume you’re wearing.”

“I decided to be Cleopatra this year.”

“I thought you were going to be a drag queen.”

“Michael said no, he burnt my costume in a tiny fit of rage.”

“Told you that wouldn’t go over well.”

“He said he didn’t like me running around with a cock. He said it wasn’t very lady-like but I almost wore it anyway.”

“Is that why he grabbed your crotch in the parking lot?”

“Yes, what an asshole. It’s like he doesn’t even trust me.”

“Go figure.”

“By the way, your costume is boring sir.”

“I’m too old to dress up for Halloween.”

“You’re dressed up like a boring, old teacher that doesn’t know how to have any fun.”

“Let’s go bob for apples, Luna. You first, so I can help.”

“Ha ha ha, very funny. Hold my purse. I need to fix my costume.”

“I don’t want to hold your purse.”

“Careful, there are snakes in it.”

“Tell me you’re lying.”

“Can’t you feel them moving around?”

“Oh my God, Luna!”

“Hey, you dropped my purse! Come here my precious little babies.”

“Dammit! What the hell did you bring snakes to the party for?”

“They’re just my pets. I found them.”

“I don’t believe you. I think Cleopatra brought snakes to the party for a reason.”

“Trick or treat!”

“Luna.”

“Kidding.”

“Promise you’ll keep them in your purse.”

“If you’ll promise not to tell Michael I have ‘em.”

“One is trying to escape.”

“Oh hello there, little fella! What are you up to? …He’s just looking for the backseat of your car, sir. I’ll go show him the way.”

“LUNA!!!  Get back here! …Dammit. That girl can run fast in a pair of heels.” 

Asa's Place

Knock knock knock.

*silence*

Knock Knock Knock!

*silence*

Pound! Pound…

“Luna, what the hell do you want?”

“Trick or treat!”

“What... in the fuck are you wearing?”

“My Halloween costume! I’m a drag queen. Do you like my boobs?”

“Stop jumping up and down.”

“They’re water balloons.”

“Great, Luna.”

“Hey, do you wanna make-out?”

“What?”

“Check out my package!”

“WHOA. Luna, what the fuck!”

“It’s another water balloon.”

“Christ. Does Michael know where you are?”

“Probably not.”

Michael: “There you are!”

“Crap.”

“I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

“Tada! Here I am.”

“Luna, I already told you that is NOT an acceptable costume for tonight’s Halloween party. Go home and change.”

“But I worked really long… and hard… on this costume!”

“Don’t grab yourself like that.”

“Whoops, I have a wet spot. Think I might’ve sprung a leak in my weenie balloon.”

“Dammit, Luna!”

“Just kidding.”

“Get out of here!”

“What if I don’t want to go?”

“Asa? Get me a collar and leash off one of the dogs.”

“Gladly.”

“Never mind. Damn, that girl can run fast in heels.”

The Wedding: Finale

Luna ran through the pouring rain and made it back to the church. The music played inside. She hid among the coats in the closet and spied on the people walking by.

Lightning struck, the lights went out. It caused a stir for a while. But candles were lit and arrangements made, the wedding was about to start.

The organ cued, guests hurried into the chapel. Luna stayed behind. She sat in the closet and wondered what Asa had planned.

The bride walked down the aisle, Luna wanted a peek. She slipped from the closet and towards the door then slowly pushed it aside.

It was very hard to see. The bride had reached the groom but Asa had taken his place. She screamed in horror then dropped her pretty bouquet.

The party began to talk, everyone a bit confused. Luna smiled and grew more curious. She walked further into the room.

The groom walked in behind her and pointed a gun at Asa but Luna was in the way. Michael plowed over seated guests and hauled her ass outside.

Asa disappeared during the distraction. They gathered back at the house. Michael was mad but Asa just laughed and admired his trampled bouquet.

The Wedding Part II

Alex & Michael

Alex: “Beautiful church for a wedding.”

“Yes, it is.”

“Have you seen Asa?”

“No.”

“Did you bring Luna?”

“She’s hanging up her coat.”

“It’s pouring rain out there.”

“Plenty of lightning and thunder, too.”

“Let me know if you see Asa.”

“Why?”

“Because he wasn’t invited.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Asa & Luna

Luna: “Hi sir. Beautiful night for a wedding, don’t you think?”

“What are you doing here?”

“It was Michael’s idea.”

“Follow me out to my car. I want to talk to you.”

“Fine but you owe me a cigarette.”

“Hurry up! It’s fucking nasty out.”

“I’m getting soaked!”

“Shut up and get in.”

“Damn, it’s really coming down now.”

“Fuck I hate the rain.”

“I love the rain, it’s so romantic.”

“Luna, you can’t go back in.”

“Why not?”

“I have a little business to take care of.”

“I don’t like the sound of that.”

“Stay here. I’ll tell Michael where you are.”

“But wait, sir! I want to come…”

*door slam*

“...dammit. I wanted to come with him. I hate being alone.”