Stupid Party

Michael: “Luna where the fuck have you been?”

“In the limo smoking weed!”

“I am NOT impressed.”

“Just because you don’t think it’s very lady-like.”

“There’s nothing wrong with expecting you to act like a lady. Speaking of which, you have ash on your teeth.”

“Oh shit! …Hold on …Okay, did I get it?”

“No.”

“How about now?”

“No.”

“How about now?”

“Oh for Christ’s sake Luna, hold still…… there.”

“Damn sir! You could’ve been a little nicer about it, sheesh. Where the hell have your fingers been? Gross.”

“Shut up. I wanted to go back to the party but fuck, Luna, you look wasted!”

“You said but fuck! That’s funny. I’m hungry. Ooh, I see food.”

“Luna, wait up.”

“Lots of food, yay! Want a celery stick?”

“No.”

“How about some of these little baby shrimpy dude looking things?”

“No.”

“Cranky wanna cracker?”

“Put down the fucking food, Luna! I’m not very happy with this little stunt you’ve pulled.”

“Well, I’m not very happy you made me be here, so there.”

“You have to learn to get along with people at some point.”

“No, I don’t. People are stupid. I don’t want to be nice or lady-like. I don’t even think I was supposed to be born a lady, you know that? I bet I was supposed to be a boy.”

“Luna, put down that sausage.”  

“Check out my magnificent weenie! Oh yeah, baby! Stroke it, stroke it!”

“People are staring, stop it!”

“Hey careful, you don’t have permission to touch my weenie.”

“I’m warning you, put it down.”

“You know what else I like to do with a nice big weenie?”

“Do NOT give that sausage a blow job, Luna…… put it back on the table, Luna…… don’t you dare…… DAMMIT LUNA! ”

“Hey! What did you do with my weenie? Where are we going? We were just getting started! Let go of my ear!”

“I’ve had enough of you, we’re going home.”

“So early? You’re such a party pooper.”

“Where’s your coat?”

“I dunno.”

“Where’s your purse?”

“I dunno that either but you know what I do know? I know that lady back there in the green dress has a lot of pills in her purse, or had them there anyway. You know what else I know? Her old man was kissing another lady in the hallway, poorly I might add. You know what else I know? I’m still hungry but that’s not what I was going to say. You know what else I know? I know all the letters of the alphabet backwards! Asa said I should practice for some reason, wanna hear me practice? …Sir? Where did you get that roll of duct tape from?  That’s an awfully weird thing to be carrying around with you at a party, don’t you th….”